- Shawn Hunter: A twelve? How do you get a twelve?
- Mr. George Feeny: I don't know. You ever open a book?
- Shawn Hunter: What?
- Mr. George Feeny: A book! Do you ever open a book?
- Shawn Hunter: What?
- Cory: Don't ask me, I got a sixteen.
- Mr. George Feeny: Gentlemen, do you ever go home and open a book?
- Shawn Hunter: What?
- Mr. George Feeny: I want you to go home this afternoon and open a book! I don't care what you had otherwise planned, I order you, nay, I command you. Go home and open a book.
- Jonathan Turner: George.
- Mr. George Feeny: What?
- Jonathan Turner: Watch this. Hi boys. Nice boys. Nice boys. Now listen did you hear anything Mr. Feeney just said?
- Shawn Hunter: No.
- Cory: [Whispering to Jonathan] He's real mad.
- Jonathan Turner: Do you have any idea why?
- Shawn Hunter: No. He just started yelling like a crazy man.
- Cory: You know what I can't figure out, Shawn? How do these other kids get their work in on time and get such good grades?
- Shawn Hunter: Well, I got a theory, Cor. See, it runs in the family. Our ancestors were all slackers and goof-offs and now we're paying the price.
- Cory: That's a good theory.
- Mr. George Feeny: [to a student in his office] After reviewing the disciplinary report from your last school, I was expecting a much brasher young man, but I must say you've been quiet, polite. Now, if this is an attempt to lull me into a false sense of security, I warn you, Griffin Hawkins, nobody pulls the wool over the eyes of George Feeny.
- Miss Gill: [enters Feeny's office] Mr. Feeny, Griffin Hawkins is here.
- Mr. George Feeny: [confused] Who?
- Miss Gill: The new transfer student.
- Griffin 'Griff' Hawkins: [enters the office and shakes Feeny's hand] Hi. I'm Griffin Hawkins. You can call me Griff.
- [to the student posing as Griff]
- Griffin 'Griff' Hawkins: Thanks for filling in. I didn't think I'd make it.
- [the student leaves]
- Griffin 'Griff' Hawkins: I'm not usually a morning person, but I wanted to make a good impression.
- Mr. George Feeny: YOU'RE Griffin Hawkins?
- Miss Gill: [glances at Griff dreamily] He sure is.
- [laughs]
- Mr. George Feeny: Thank you, Miss Gill. You may go.
- Miss Gill: Do I have to?
- Mr. George Feeny: Yes.
- Griffin 'Griff' Hawkins: [to Miss Gill] Erica, we'll finish up later.
- [she giggles as she leaves]
- Mr. George Feeny: Take a seat, Mr. Hawkins.
- [as Feeny goes over to get Griff's disciplinary report, he sits down in Feeny's chair, much to his annoyance]
- Mr. George Feeny: Take ANOTHER seat, Mr. Hawkins.
- Griffin 'Griff' Hawkins: [stands up to sit down in the other chair] I figure I'd be sitting down in this seat, so much, I just wanted to take in the view from your side.
- Mr. George Feeny: Mr. Hawkins, I will make this short and to the point. This is MY school. You are a GUEST in MY school and while you're here, you will toe the line and respect the rules. Now, what is your first class?
- Griffin 'Griff' Hawkins: [reads a slip of paper he takes from his shirt pocket] English lit.
- [from outside]
- Griffin 'Griff' Hawkins: Hey, kid!
- [the same student comes back in and Griff hands him the paper]
- Griffin 'Griff' Hawkins: Room 103 and take good notes.
- [the student quickly hurries out]
- Mr. George Feeny: Fine, Mr. Hawkins. That frees you up for detention with me.
- [Griff now realizes he now messed with the wrong guy]
- Cory: I wish there was some way to do a book report without reading the book.
- Shawn Hunter: They can put a man on the moon, but you still gotta read.
- Cory: I got it! We rent the movie and copy the junk on the back of the box.
- Shawn Hunter: You're a genius!
- Cory: What, you think that 16 was an accident?
- Amy Matthews: How's your homework coming, honey?
- Morgan Matthews: Great. I'm acing it.
- Alan Matthews: Making sandwiches is homework?
- Amy Matthews: Making their own lunches teaches them to be self-reliant and grown-up.
- Morgan Matthews: I'm making Wonder Bread, Cheeze Whiz and Lucky Charms.
- Alan Matthews: Ugh. Honey, let me give you a couple of pointers here...
- Amy Matthews: She needs to make her own mistakes.
- Alan Matthews: She's well on her way. I mean, look at this, this is disgusting. Nobody's gonna want to eat this.
- [he takes a bite of the sandwich]
- Alan Matthews: Hey, that's not bad. What the heck have you discovered here?
- [Eric comes in]
- Eric Matthews: What you eating, Dad?
- Alan Matthews: Lucky Charms and Cheeze Whiz. You want some?
- Eric Matthews: It's Morgan's, right?
- Alan Matthews: Uh-huh.
- Eric Matthews: You tried Froot Loops on pita?
- [Alan looks at Morgan expectedly]
- Morgan Matthews: Tomorrow
- Jonathan Turner: [Jonathan's doorbell is ringing. He moves toward the door] I'm coming, I'm coming!
- Cory Matthews: [Through the door] Mr. Turner, we're here.
- Jonathan Turner: Oh, great.
- [He opens the door. Cory and Shawn are there with their book reports]
- Cory Matthews: 4:58. We made it.
- Shawn Hunter: Sprinted six blocks, ran up four flights of stairs.
- Cory Matthews: But we made it.
- Jonathan Turner: I admire your dedication. Especially since the deadline is 5:00 *tomorrow*.
- Shawn Hunter: OK, we'll wait, then.
- Jonathan Turner: Give me.
- [He takes their papers and reads from one of them]
- Jonathan Turner: "Of Mice And Men- a poignant tale of two unlikely friends, set against the backdrop of the Great Depression. Exceptional cast, powerfully acted."
- Shawn Hunter: Two thumbs up.
- Alan Matthews: They ran a promotion at the store, and guess what you won? Two passes to Sliding Rapids Mountain.
- Eric Matthews: Excellent!
- Alan Matthews: Yep, you and your brother should have a blast.
- Eric Matthews: Ah, no, no, no, no See, when I look at this ticket, I see someone in a skimpy wet bikini.
- Alan Matthews: Well, that's entirely up to Cory.