- Professor Maggie Walsh: So, the Slayer!
- Buffy Summers: Yeah. That's me.
- Professor Maggie Walsh: We thought you were a myth.
- Buffy Summers: Well, you were myth-taken
- [despondent over being out of the loop on recent relevations, Giles stays behind in the crypt just in case the demon is about to show]
- Rupert Giles: Who am I kidding...? Nothing is going to happen.
- [leaves the crypt]
- Ethan Rayne: [stepping out of the shadows, to himself] I wouldn't say that... I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, Ripper, old mate, I'd say something rather interesting was about to happ...
- Rupert Giles: [opens door] Did someone...?
- Ethan Rayne: [startled] Oh, bugger! I thought you'd gone.
- Rupert Giles: Ho-How did you know it was me?
- Buffy Summers: Your eyes... You're the only person in the world that can look that annoyed with me.
- Riley Finn: Wow.
- Buffy Summers: Those were my best stories, and I didn't tell you the "Buffy breaks her butt" stories.
- Riley Finn: But you killed the... You did the thing with that... You drowned. And the snake...? Not to mention *daily* slayage of... Wow.
- Buffy Summers: It's no big, really. Hey, who wants ice cream?
- Riley Finn: Buffy... When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending... I just assumed that was a big week for you. It turns out I suddenly find myself... needing to know the plural of apocalypse.
- Ethan Rayne: I've really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It's the stay-'n'-gloat that gets me every time.
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] If you can't find third gear, don't try for third gear.
- Spike: I'm doin' my best. I don't know if I'm drivin' this thing or wearin' it.
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] It's perfectly serviceable.
- Spike: [laughs] Funny hearing a Fyarl demon say "serviceable." Had a couple of 'em working for me once. They're more like, "Like to crush. Crush now?" Strong though. You won't meet a jar you can't open for the rest of your life.
- [Giles growls menacingly]
- Spike: What was that? Did you growl?
- Rupert Giles: No.
- [Giles, as a Fyarl Demon, walking through a cemetary thinking no one can understand him]
- Spike: Well... What do I spy with my little eye...? A demon... That would be, oh, right. The things I can kill.
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] Spike. Wonderful. the perfect end to a perfect day.
- Spike: Giles?
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] Go on, then. Let's get on with the fighting... You understand me.
- Spike: Of course, I understand you.
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] I'm speaking English?
- Spike: No, you're speaking Fyarl. I happen to speak Fyarl... and by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? You just come over all demony this morning?
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] As a matter of fact, I did, thanks to Ethan Rayne.
- Rupert Giles: You know what gets me? This is what gets me. Twenty years I've been fighting demons. Maggie Walsh and her-her nancy ninja boys come in, six months later, the demons are pissing themselves with fear. They never even noticed me.
- Buffy Summers: I like pancakes 'cause they're stackable.
- [looks at Willow's plate]
- Buffy Summers: Ooh, and waffles 'cause you can put things in the little holes if you wanted to.
- Willow Rosenberg: [laughing] You should always have a new boyfriend. You're so much fun right now.
- Professor Maggie Walsh: Oh, I'm, um, quite sure of that... as I'm just as sure we can learn much from each other. I'm working on getting you clearance to come into the Initiative. I think you'll find the results of our operation most impressive. Agent Finn here, alone, has killed or captured... How many is it?
- Riley Finn: Seventeen. Eleven vampires, six demons.
- Buffy Summers: Oh... Wow. I mean, that's... seventeen.
- Professor Maggie Walsh: What about you?
- Buffy Summers: Me?
- Professor Maggie Walsh: How many hostilities would you say you've slain?
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] I refuse to become a monster because I look like a monster. I have a soul. I have a conscience. I am a human being. Ooh, stop the car.
- [seeing Professor Walsh, he gets out of the car and chases her down the street for a bit, then reenters the car]
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] Right. Let's go, then.
- Xander Harris: You own nothing. This shouldn't be taking so long.
- Spike: Hang on. Let a fella get organized.
- [Spike starts grabbing things]
- Xander Harris: That's my radio!
- Spike: And you're what, shocked and disappointed? I'm evil.
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a... a good being-killed.
- Spike: And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?
- [as the Commando's take Ethan away]
- Rupert Giles: [grins] Um, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna go and watch them manhandle him into a vehicle.
- Riley Finn: You're *really* strong. Like, Spider-Man strong.
- Buffy Summers: Yeah. But, I don't stick to stuff. But, yeah.
- Buffy Summers: [to Giles] Uh-oh. You have but-face.
- [Giles looks confused]
- Buffy Summers: You look like you're gonna say 'but."
- Buffy Summers: Look, if you've been fighting since you were fifteen, you'd have a hefty resume, too.
- Riley Finn: Fifteen?
- Buffy Summers: I know. Wow. The point is, that-that we have different amounts of experience, you know? And plus, I do have that whole preternatural Slayer strength deal.
- Riley Finn: I've seen. Don't get me wrong, the girls I grew up with could hold their own, but... well, I'm not even sure I could take you.
- Buffy Summers: That all depends on your meaning.
- Ethan Rayne: We used to be friends, Ripper. When did all that fall apart?
- Rupert Giles: The same time you started to worship chaos.
- Ethan Rayne: Oh, religious intolerance. Sad, there. I mean, just look at the Irish troubles.
- Rupert Giles: Oh, well, Apparently it hasn't happened yet. A bit of luck.
- Willow Rosenberg: Or, you-you know what I bet? I-I bet the Initiative took care of it.
- Rupert Giles: Who?
- Xander Harris: Oh, Riley and his guys. Probably all over it.
- Willow Rosenberg: Yeah, it has that "too neat" look. They must have cleaned up the place.
- Rupert Giles: What?
- Willow Rosenberg: Oh, they read hot spots. Areas of other-worldly energy. They must have picked this place up days ago.
- Rupert Giles: Stop. Both of you. What... What are you talking about? Wh-Wh-What's the Initiative? Wh-Wh, um, what on earth does it have to do with Buffy's new boyfriend?
- Willow Rosenberg: You know. I'm sure you know. Riley's one of the commandos.
- Rupert Giles: What...? Well, that's marvelous, isn't it? Here I am, spent weeks trying to, uh, get a single scrap of information about our mysterious demon collectors and no one bothers to tell me That Buffy's *dating* one of them...? Who else knows?
- Xander Harris: No one. No one else knows this... Anya, and that's it.
- Willow Rosenberg: And Spike.
- Rupert Giles: *Spike*...? Spike knew?
- Xander Harris: Only the basic stuff. You know, that Riley's a commando and Professor Walsh is in charge.
- Rupert Giles: *Professor Walsh*? That *fishwife*?
- Riley Finn: The demon attacked Professor Walsh. Got out of a small, gray car. A Citroen.
- Willow Rosenberg: It stole Giles' car.
- Xander Harris: Why would a demon steal a car?
- Anya: Why would a demon steal *that* car?
- [trying to identify the demon that come to Xander's basement, Willow shows him a book]
- Xander Harris: Okay, that's a giant vulture. I'd have mentioned if it was a giant vulture.
- [Buffy breaks the door to get into the Magic Shop]
- Riley Finn: You shouldn't have done that to the door.
- Buffy Summers: I do *not* have time to play by the rules tonight.
- Riley Finn: I have a master key. It opens every shop on Main Street.
- Buffy Summers: Oh... Well, next time. Absolutely.
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] It-It's me, Giles. Now, Ethan has turned me into a demon and I need your help.
- [Xander wakes up]
- Rupert Giles: Hello. Yes, it's me.
- [only hearing demon language Xander screems and jumps out of bed]
- Rupert Giles: [as a Fyarl Demon] No, no, listen. Don't you understand me?
- Xander Harris: Demon! Demon!
- Buffy Summers: Giles was the librarian at my high school.
- Riley Finn: [to Giles] Ah. I've seen the library. It's gone downhill since you left.
- Professor Maggie Walsh: It's only our methods that differ. We use the latest in scientific technology and state-of-the-art weaponry... and *you*, if I understand correctly... poke them with a sharp stick.
- Buffy Summers: Uh, it's more effective than it sounds.
- [first lines]
- Riley Finn: We're not expecting anyone, are we?
- Buffy Summers: Willow said she was gonna be at the science library all night.
- Riley Finn: Is that right?
- [Willow enters the room]
- Buffy Summers: Uh, apparently not.
- Buffy Summers: But this is so nice, having everyone together for my birthday. Of course, you could smash in all my toes with a hammer and it would still be the bestest Buffy birthday bash in a big, long while.
- [moving out of Xander's basement]
- Anya: So, what kind of place are you looking for?
- Spike: I don't know. Maybe a crypt. Someplace, you know, dark and dank... but not as dark and dank as this.
- Anya: It's pretty depressing, isn't it?
- Spike: I've known corpses with a fresher smell. In fact, I've been one.
- Xander Harris: That's it. Let's go.
- Rupert Giles: And I believe that, but he's part of something that we, we don't really understand.
- Buffy Summers: Are you sure you're not just saying this because you don't like Riley's boss?
- Rupert Giles: No, no, I'm not saying that at all... Though I do hate her quite a lot.
- Rupert Giles: [drunk] This Initiative, I mean, their methods may be causing problems, but they're getting the job done. What am I? I'm an unemployed librarian with a tendency to get knocked on the head.
- Ethan Rayne: Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore, mate. When you went to the loo, I slipped a small pellet of poison in your drink. You'll be dead in an hour.
- [Giles stares at him]
- Ethan Rayne: Just kidding!
- [they both laugh]
- Rupert Giles: I'm gonna feel like hell in the morning.
- Ethan Rayne: Relax. Enjoy the night. We're still a couple of sorcerers. The night is still our time... A time of magic.
- [last lines]
- Riley Finn: [about Buffy] I'm just saying she'll work out. You'll be proud of her.
- Professor Maggie Walsh: You want to know what I think...? I think you're probably right.