- Willow Rosenberg: Okay, yeah, you've been with a vampire before, but Angel had a soul.
- Buffy Bot: Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid.
- Xander Harris: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled.
- Buffy Summers: I am not having sex with Spike, but I'm starting to think that you might be.
- Buffy Summers: So, how's it start?
- Rupert Giles: I, uh... jump out of the circle, then I jump back in it, and then, um... I shake my gourd.
- Buffy Summers: Oh, I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the "Hokey Pokey" and turn themselves around.
- Rupert Giles: Go quest.
- [Giles performs the ritual]
- Buffy Summers: And that's what it's all about.
- Willow Rosenberg: Wait. This shouldn't be about blame.
- Buffy Summers: Blame? There's blame now?
- Willow Rosenberg: No. There's only love, and some fear.
- Anya: We're just kinda thrown by the, you having sex with Spike.
- Buffy Summers: The who whating how with huh?
- Anya: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger.
- Buffy Summers: I am not having sex with Spike!
- Anya: Anger.
- Spike: [about Buffy] She's upset about her mum. And if she turns to me for comfort, well, I'm not gonna deny it to her. I'm not a monster.
- Xander Harris: Yes, you are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them.
- Spike: Well, yeah, you got me there.
- [Buffy bot enters the room with everyone there]
- Xander Harris: Hey, I know this. They're *both* Buffy.
- Buffy Summers: No. She's a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made. You guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot?
- Buffy Bot: Hey, there.
- Xander Harris: Buffy.
- Buffy Bot: Xander... And... Anya. How is your money?
- Anya: Fine. Thank you for asking.
- Xander Harris: Buffy's gone insane.
- Willow Rosenberg: What? What'd she do?
- Xander Harris: Brace yourself. You're not gonna believe it.
- Tara Maclay: E-Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I-I did some pretty dumb stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night.
- Anya: Buffy's boinking Spike.
- Willow Rosenberg: Oh. Well, Tara-Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge...
- Tara Maclay: What, are you kidding? She's nuts.
- [last lines]
- Spike: And my robot?
- Buffy Summers: The robot is gone. The robot was gross and obscene.
- Spike: It wasn't supposed to...
- Buffy Summers: Don't. That... thing, it... it wasn't even real... What you did for me and Dawn, that was real... I won't forget it.
- Glory: The vampire is lying to me.
- Spike: [chuckles] Yeah. But it was fun. And guess what, bitch? I'm not telling you jack. You're never gonna get your sodding key, 'cause you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot.
- Glory: I am a god.
- Spike: The god of what, bad home perms?
- Glory: Shut up! I command you shut up!
- Spike: Yeah, okay. Sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words. The Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion victim, ex-god like you.
- [Glory is torturing Spike to find who the Key is]
- Spike: Yeah, okay. The key. Here's the thing. It's that guy... on TV. What's-his-name.
- Glory: [confused] On the television?
- Spike: On that show, the price show... where they guess what stuff costs.
- Murk: The Price is Right?
- Jinx: Bob Barker!
- Murk: [to Glory] We will bring you Bob Barker. We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Barker!
- Glory: It is not Bob Barker, you scabby morons! The Key is new to this world... and Bob Barker is as old as grit.
- [Buffy is pretending to be the Buffybot]
- Buffy Summers: Why did you let that Glory hurt you?
- Spike: She wanted to know who the key was.
- Buffy Summers: Oh, well, I can tell her, and then you won't...
- Spike: No...! You can't ever. Glory never finds out.
- Buffy Summers: Why?
- Spike: 'Cause Buffy... the other not-so-pleasant Buffy... anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in that much pain. I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.
- Buffy Summers: I-I have a few questions a-about being the Slayer. What about... love? Not just boyfriend love.
- Primitive: You think you're losing your ability to love.
- Buffy Summers: I-I didn't say that... Yeah.
- Primitive: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity.
- Buffy Summers: Does it?
- Primitive: You are full of love. You love with all your soul. It's brighter than the fire... blinding. That's why you pull away from it.
- Buffy Summers: I'm full of love? I'm not losing it?
- Primitive: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love, give, forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift.
- Buffy Summers: [confused] What?
- Dawn Summers: We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with.
- Tara Maclay: I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
- Anya: Sometimes in the movies, when they go crazy, they slap 'em.
- Xander Harris: I'm gonna go find her and talk to her. If she's losing it, we gotta help her before she gets herself hurt.
- Tara Maclay: You aren't really gonna slap her, are you?
- Xander Harris: No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again, I will definitely knock myself unconscious.
- Buffy Summers: A guide, but no food or water? So it leads me to a sacred place, and then a week later, it leads you to my bleached bones?
- Rupert Giles: Buffy, please. It takes more than a week to bleach bones.
- [in the desert for Buffy's quest]
- Buffy Summers: What's in the trunk?
- Rupert Giles: Supplies.
- Buffy Summers: Supplies? I was wondering about that. Like food, water, maybe a compass?
- Rupert Giles: What about a book, a gourd, and a bunch of twigs?
- Buffy Summers: I-I don't think I'll be that hungry.
- Buffy Summers: I mean, I can beat up the demons until the cows come home, and then I can beat up the cows.
- Willow Rosenberg: So just this one time, you just did something kinda crazy.
- Buffy Bot: It wasn't one time. It was lots of times and lots of different ways. I could make sketches.
- Willow Rosenberg: No!
- [first lines]
- Buffy Summers: Giles, you don't have to help. You cooked.
- Rupert Giles: Oh, come on. I quite like to cook. Helping you two out makes me feel useful.
- Dawn Summers: Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You could feel indispensable.
- Rupert Giles: Hmm. How tempting.
- Buffy Summers: Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have 'em before they get furry, and we have to name them.
- Dawn Summers: Hey, I was, like, five then.
- [Glory's minions brings Spike to her thinking he is the Key]
- Glory: That's fantabulous, and impossible. He can't be the Key, because, see, the *Key* has to be pure. This is a vampire. Lesson number one: Vampires equal impure.
- Spike: Yeah, damn right. I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. Let me go.
- Xander Harris: Spike must have had her built so he could program her to...
- Buffy Summers: Oh, God.
- Willow Rosenberg: Yikes. Imagine the things...
- Buffy Summers: No! No imagining, any of you.
- Xander Harris: I already go the visual.