- Spike: Harm, what are you doing?
- Harmony Kendall: I'm writing "Spike loves Harmony" on your back.
- Spike: Why?
- Harmony Kendall: I don't know, it's fun. I'm bored. You can write on me.
- Spike: I've got to get back to work.
- Harmony Kendall: You love that tunnel more than me.
- Spike: I love syphilis more than you.
- Anya: I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped, and frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock... Please remove your clothing now.
- Xander Harris: And the amazing thing... still more romantic than Faith.
- [Buffy runs into Spike and Harmony at a fraternity party]
- Buffy Summers: What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?
- Spike: Maybe I dumped her!
- Harmony Kendall: She left him for a Fungus Demon. That's all he talks about most days.
- Spike: [wearing the Gem of Amarra] What a fantastic day. Birds singin', squirrels makin' lots of rotton little squirrels... sun beaming down in a nice non-fatal way. It's very exciting. I can't wait to see if I freckle.
- Harmony Kendall: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
- Spike: No.
- Harmony Kendall: Can I make him a vampire?
- Spike: No. On second thought, yes. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
- Harmony Kendall: Hey, I don't have a pulse. Cool! Can we eat a doctor so I can get a stethoscope and hear my heart not beating?
- Spike: Harm, what does it take to get you
- [screaming]
- Spike: to shut the hell up?
- Harmony Kendall: [Harmony giggles] And if my heart's not beating, what are these blue veins for? I'm simply covered in these blue veins. See?
- Xander Harris: Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us.
- Oz: I gotta admit, I'm a little disappointed.
- Rupert Giles: I, ah, uh, uh...
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, maybe it doesn't work. It-It's like art.
- Willow Rosenberg: Buffy's lookin' at Parker... who, it turns out, *has* a reflection. So big plus there.
- Spike: [to Harmony] Listen to me... you stupid bint... this gem is everything. I came back to Sunnydale for it, a place which has witnessed some truly spectacular kickings of my ass.
- Willow Rosenberg: It happened, right? Did it happen with Parker?
- Buffy Summers: Yeah, it happened.
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, and? Details. I mean, not details. I-I don't need a diagram, but you know, like maybe a blurry watercolor.
- Willow Rosenberg: [speaking of Parker] He's a poophead.
- Buffy Summers: You're right. He's manipulative and shallow, and why doesn't he want me? Am I repulsive? If there was something repulsive about me, you'd tell me, right?
- Willow Rosenberg: I'm your friend. I would call you repulsive in a second...
- Buffy Summers: Maybe Parker and I could still work it out... Do you-Do you think that we could still work it out?
- Willow Rosenberg: I think you're missing something about the whole poophead principle.
- Xander Harris: I'm not enjoying this.
- Rupert Giles: Well, shelve them correctly and we can finish.
- Xander Harris: I don't get your crazy system.
- Rupert Giles: My system? It's called the alphabet.
- Xander Harris: Huh... Would ya look at that.
- [first lines]
- Willow Rosenberg: Hey, look. Parker's here.
- Buffy Summers: Yeah?
- Willow Rosenberg: You're not looking? He looks really cute in green.
- Buffy Summers: Teal... He's reflected in the mirror.
- [Anya has offered Xander sex]
- Anya: I think it's the secret to getting you out of my mind. Putting you behind me. Behind me, figuratively. I'm thinking face-to-face for the event itself.
- Xander Harris: Ah. Right... It's just we hardly know each other. I mean, I like you... and you have a certain... directness that I admire. But sexual interc... What you're talking about. Well... And I'm actually turning into a woman as I say this... But it's about expressing something. And accepting consequences.
- Anya: Oh, I have condoms. Some are black.
- Xander Harris: That's... that's very considerate.
- Willow Rosenberg: Harmony, hi! Hey, I haven't seen you since...
- Harmony Kendall: Since graduation... Big snake, huh?
- Willow Rosenberg: Yeah.
- Harmony Kendall: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
- Spike: No.
- Harmony Kendall: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
- Spike: No... Wait. On second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids, as well.
- Anya: At which point, the matter is brought to a conclusion with both parties satisfied and able to move on with their separate lives and interests. To sum up, I think it's a workable plan.
- Xander Harris: So... the crux of this plan is...
- Anya: Sexual intercourse. I've said it, like, a dozen times.
- Xander Harris: Uh-huh. Just working through a little hysterical deafness here.
- Anya: I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes, in my dreams... you're all naked.
- Xander Harris: Really?
- [laughs]
- Xander Harris: You know, if I'm in the checkout line at the Wal-Mart, I've had that same one.
- [last lines]
- Buffy Summers: You know, you go on ahead. I... I think I'm gonna go take a walk.
- Willow Rosenberg: Are you sure?
- Buffy Summers: Yeah.