- Andy Whitman: [Whitman falls off van after setting CHP car on fire] Aw come on, my back, man! Call me an ambulance!
- Officer Barry Baricza: [Handcuffing Whitman] OK, you're an ambulance.
- Officer Jon Baker: Don't you like competition?
- Officer Frank Poncherello: Ah, it's just that every time we get involved in some kind of charity game - basketball, softball, whatever - we get wiped out!
- Officer Jon Baker: Not this one. This is special. It's an exhibition game for underprivileged children. It's gonna be fun even if we do get beat.
- Officer Frank Poncherello: Yeah, well, in the mean time, I'm developing a wipeout complex.
- Officer Jon Baker: Be careful. For the first time, you're gonna become humble.
- Muriel Higgins: [to her angler husband:] Honestly, Frank, how you figure to outsmart a trout is far beyond me.