- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I know people who would cut off their left arm to go to the chainsaw finals.
- Christine Armstrong: She thought he could be the one.
- Coach Hayden Fox: The one? Come on, Christine. She's been married three times. Maybe she thought this could be the four.
- Coach Hayden Fox: I said, "I don't want Barbara, the party killer, there. She's just a loud mouth, opinionated, obnoxious shrew."
- Barbara: Why don't you like me?
- Coach Hayden Fox: I like ya.
- Coach Hayden Fox: What is it about people? They want everyone to like them. A lot of people don't like me. I don't give a damn. And I gotta tell you, Barb, there is a lot of freedom in that.
- Coach Hayden Fox: I can't help it, I hate her. I hate her. I hate her, hate her, hate her, hate her, just hate her!
- Coach Hayden Fox: What is it about people? They wan't everybody to like them. A lot of people don't like me. I don't give a damn, and I gotta tell ya, Barb, there's a lot of freedom in that.
- Dauber Dybinski: You promised you'd autograph these balls.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Dauber, this is my one free weekend all season. Come on, I'm outta here, Daub.
- Dauber Dybinski: It's for a good cause. They're gonna be sold at a celebrity auction for the blind.
- Coach Hayden Fox: For the blind? Then you sign 'em.