- Coach Hayden Fox: Men get a great deal of satisfaction out of doing a job they're not qualified to do without the help of trained professionals.
- Andy Gordon: When I grow up, if I'm good enough to play college football, I'm gonna play for Minnesota State.
- Coach Hayden Fox: That's great, Andy.
- Andy Gordon: I mean, I know you'll be dead... but anyway, that's where I wanna play.
- Coach Hayden Fox: You a Sreaming Eagles fan, son?
- Andy Gordon: Heck yeah. I watched the Pineapple Bowl on Christmas day. I didn't even open my presents or go to church or anything.
- Coach Hayden Fox: What a good boy!
- Assistant Coach Luther Van Dam: You're tellin' me the story of Ol' Gus, a 30-pound big mouth bass is a fish story?
- Coach Hayden Fox: He doesn't exist.
- Assistant Coach Luther Van Dam: Why is it how come people keep seein' him?
- Coach Hayden Fox: Because they drink a 6-pack before they go fishing.
- Coach Hayden Fox: That is why you do not see Americans rushing to elect a woman president.
- Christine Armstrong: Why?
- Coach Hayden Fox: Well, because you people let your hearts control your heads. With a man in power, you never have to worry about their heads being connected to anything.