Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man (TV Series)

Gripes of Wrath (1994)

Jason Alexander: Eric Duckman

Quotes 

• Duckman : You were the one who made up this whole new world! You screwed up - not me!

  Kalai Prövenheim : Impossible! I am infallible!

  Duckman : I don't care *what* religion you are! You made things worse when you made them better! I mean, I liked having a lot of free time, but I hated not having anything to do. Don't you see, things were good when they were bad, and they got bad when they were good. People aren't happy unless they're unhappy.

• Duckman : Shut up, both of you! I'm sick of looking at you.

  Bernice : You're not sick of looking at Sherry. You spent the last six days watching that videotape where she learns what all her vacuum attachments are for.

  Sherry : [sternly]  You said you erased that!

  Cornfed Pig : Erased, ran off thousands of copies. It's such a fine line.

• Duckman : [chuckling]  Yes, well once again I've outwitted a pitifully inadequate opponent by staying one step ahead of 'em.

  [pause] 

  Duckman : How exactly did I do that?

• Duckman : [upon first seeing the utopia that Loretta created]  Homina-homina-how-wa!

  Cornfed Pig : Either you're babbling, or you just told me in Cherokee that my scrotum is many-colored.

• Duckman : [when Cornfed is being fondled by Sherry]  How did you...? How did you...?

  Cornfed Pig : Attract a woman of such pulchritude and allure?

  Duckman : I was gonna say "hook that piece of sweet meat," but have it your way.

  Cornfed Pig : Loretta realized that the average man wastes 78% of their waking hours thinking about sex. So, she matched up horny men with nymphomaniacs. And, well, you can guess the rest.

  Duckman : I don't want to guess. Tell it to me in detail. Slowly.

  Cornfed Pig : Duckman, get a grip on yourself.

  [pause] 

  Cornfed Pig : Let me rephrase that.