- Fraser: [on Diefenbaker's trail] Stupid rookie mistake.
- Ray Vecchio: What do you mean?
- Fraser: These last two blocks, I've been tracking a Lhasa Apso.
- Ray Vecchio: You've been tracking a Lhasa Apso?
- Fraser: I know. If word of this gets back to the territories I'll never live it down.
- Ray Vecchio: Mounties can be so cruel.
- Fraser: You can't imagine.
- Fraser: When I was a young scout, anxious to earn my ecology badge, I insinuated myself into a hunting party to catch a baby seal killer.
- Ray Vecchio: What happened?
- Fraser: Well, I was clubbed repeatedly, Ray.
- Ray Vecchio: [as Fraser is tracking Diefenbaker] First dirt-tasting, now piddle-sniffing - I don't wanna be around when you start listening to dung!
- Fraser: [Fraser has jumped from the top of a building onto a stolen, speeding car] Please stop immediately. This is not your automobile!
- Ray Vecchio: Fraser, there are hundreds of places that make pizza. What I'm looking for here is the perfect pizza at the perfect price.
- Fraser: Which is?
- Ray Vecchio: Free. And that's exactly what this'll be in 34 seconds. There's no way he can get a pizza here from Michigan Avenue in under a half-hour.
- Fraser: You mean you're using some promotional ploy in order to get something for nothing?
- Ray Vecchio: Welcome to the United States of America, Fraser.
- [last lines]
- Fraser: Twenty-nine minutes, Ray.
- Ray Vecchio: Okay, okay, I don't need a countdown!
- Lenny Milano: Okay, this is the 1200 block. It's got to be around here someplace.
- Ray Vecchio: Can you believe these skinflints? They could've just ordered from across the street.
- Fraser: Maybe they wanted the perfect pizza at the perfect price.
- Ray Vecchio: Sixteen bucks? I'm not payin'! Your job, kid, you pay.
- Lenny Milano: Why should I pay? You're driving.
- Fraser: And I'm afraid I left my wallet in the lake, Ray.
- Ray Vecchio: What about him?
- [Diefenbaker barks]
- Fraser: Oh, I don't like to touch his savings account.
- Lenny Milano: Just tell them you couldn't find the building.
- Ray Vecchio: Oh, yeah, that'll work.
- Lenny Milano: Worked on you.
- Francesca Vecchio: So where are we going now?
- Ray Vecchio: You're going home! Did you see who it was?
- Fraser: No, they took off before we got here.
- Ray Vecchio: I say we go to the dealership and arrest the whole damn bunch.
- Fraser: Well, that would be an injustice, Ray.
- Ray Vecchio: You wanna see an injustice? Take a look at my suit!
- Francesca Vecchio: Look at my blanket!
- Ray Vecchio: Shut up!
- Ray Vecchio: First you want to go undercover, now I let you talk me into this thing?
- Fraser: We have to catch them in the act, Ray.
- Ray Vecchio: Yeah, well, you see, here's the tricky thing about sting operations. They require money, resources, and a lot more manpower than you, me, and a wolf.
- Fraser: That's why we have our third man.
- [Ray scoffs]
- Francesca Vecchio: [into microphone] Can you read me?
- Fraser: Loud and clear. Oh, and once again, I'm terribly sorry about the confusion. I thought you understood my intentions.
- Francesca Vecchio: Oh, don't worry. Really, I've forgotten all about it.
- [walks up to a random couple]
- Francesca Vecchio: Let me ask you something. If a guy asks if you're busy tonight, he's asking you out, right?
- Car Shopper: Yeah, I... think so.
- Francesca Vecchio: Yeah, so would I.
- Fraser: You know, Lenny, I'm a man who believes in destiny. But it's a destiny of your own choosing. Just because a trail leads one way doesn't mean you can't cut your own path.
- Lenny Milano: Looks like mine leads right over a cliff.
- Fraser: Cliffs are for climbing, Lenny. That's why God gave us grappling hooks.
- Fraser: I'm afraid you'll have to leave. This could become dangerous.
- Francesca Vecchio: [pulling out a bottle of wine] Have you got a corkscrew? Oh, that's all right! It's a twist-off.
- Fraser: I don't mean to sound ingracious, and it's not that I don't appreciate the offer, but...
- Francesca Vecchio: Hot hors d'oeuvres?
- Ray Vecchio: [over the walkie-talkie] I'm suffocating and you're serving him a buffet?
- Francesca Vecchio: [grabbing Fraser's walkie-talkie] Stay out of this, gelding!
- Ray Vecchio: Stallion!
- Francesca Vecchio: Yeah, in your dreams.