Due South (TV Series)

They Eat Horses, Don't They? (1994)

David Marciano: Detective Ray Vecchio

Quotes 

• Zaleb Carney : [about his manure business]  An excellent living.

  Ray Vecchio : Really!

  Zaleb Carney : Hmm, I collect it and sell it for fertilizer.

  Ray Vecchio : So you must really know your...

  Zaleb Carney : Like noooobody else.

• [Ray comes up to Fraser as he's "guarding" the consulate] 

  Ray Vecchio : You're off in thirty seconds, let's go.

  [Fraser doesn't budge] 

  Ray Vecchio : Okay, let's do this your way... Old Zaleb came through for us. He remembers detecting a subtle change in the horse manure at a particular plant. Wanna guess which one? Do the words 'Barnaby Jones' mean anything to you?

  [looking at his watch] 

  Ray Vecchio : Five, four, three...

  [church bells toll] 

  Constable Benton Fraser : [stepping away toward Ray's car]  No matter what you say, you cannot base an investigation on a theory developed from the casting of a television series.

• [Fraser slices into and sniffs a package of meat in the middle of the supermarket] 

  Ray Vecchio : [aghast]  Oh, no! You're putting beef on your nose? Stop that!

  Constable Benton Fraser : This meat is bad.

  Ray Vecchio : Well, that's a shame, 'cause it looks really good on you! Why don't you dab a little pork behind your ears?

• Ray Vecchio : [Ray and Fraser are in a dumpster looking for evidence]  You know Fraser when I was a little boy, I used to dream of what it would be like to be a police officer. You know, shooting the bad guys, saving the girl. Being knee deep in day old chicken heads looking for tainted meat was never a part of that dream.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Check that container there.

  Ray Vecchio : Why? If they wanted to hide something they just wouldn't have dumped it in here.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, perhaps not this time. But garbage has a history, Ray. It always leaves something behind.

  Ray Vecchio : Yeah, and most if it seems to be on me. You know what really annoys me? Why am I covered in crud and you look like you just got back from a hand laundry?

  Constable Benton Fraser : I don't know, I've always been this way.

  Ray Vecchio : [phone rings]  Cia. It's Raymondo.

  [Fraser picks something off of Ray's coat] 

  Ray Vecchio : Ma! No, Ma, I did not forget the lettuce, okay?

  [to Fraser] 

  Ray Vecchio : See a head of lettuce anywhere? Uh, Ma, yes I got it. Look, look... no, I gotta go, Fraser's picking lint off me again. Alright. Bye.

  [to Fraiser] 

  Ray Vecchio : Thanks, but I don't think it's gonna help

  Constable Benton Fraser : It might.

  Ray Vecchio : What is it?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Parasites.

  Ray Vecchio : Those were on me?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Yes.

  [Ray yells and jumps out of the dumpster] 

  Constable Benton Fraser : Ray?

• Ray Vecchio : Anyone seen a Mountie?

  [Zaleb invades Ray's personal bubble, clears his throat once, and then a second time when Ray doesn't move] 

  Ray Vecchio : You got a problem with something?

  Zaleb Carney : You oughta move your foot.

  Ray Vecchio : Maybe I don't want to move my foot.

  Zaleb Carney : But if you don't move your foot, I can't get to that horse patty.

  Ray Vecchio : [looks down at foot then back up]  Why would you want that horse patty?

  Zaleb Carney : I'm not telling.

  Ray Vecchio : Tell me why you want that horse patty and maybe I'll move my foot

  Zaleb Carney : Never.

  Ray Vecchio : I'm a cop.

  Zaleb Carney : So what?

  Ray Vecchio : Do you want to serve time over a piece of manure?

  Zaleb Carney : I'd rather go to the chair than talk.

  Ray Vecchio : You know what I just decided?

  [Zaleb shakes his head] 

  Ray Vecchio : I've just decided you are so nuts, I'm gonna let you have that patty.

  [Ray shakes his head and walks off] 

• Francesca Vecchio : [walking into the bathroom on Fraser]  Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in here.

  Maria : Didn't know? She's been standing in the doorway, timing it so you'd be undressed!

  Francesca Vecchio : You are such a liar!

  Ray Vecchio : I am naked in here! Does that mean anything to anybody?

  Maria : Shut up!

  Francesca Vecchio : Oh, who cares?

  [to Fraser] 

  Francesca Vecchio : Here, you can use my towels.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, thank you, but I'm afraid I'm not having a shower.

  Francesca Vecchio : Oh, don't be silly, it's really no trouble.

  [over her shoulder at Ray] 

  Francesca Vecchio : And don't use all the hot water! I'll wait for mine.

  Maria : Yeah, by the keyhole.

  Francesca Vecchio : You know, I've really had enough of your mouth.

• [last lines] 

  Ray Vecchio : I still can't believe you did that.

  Constable Benton Fraser : It was perfectly safe, Ray.

  Ray Vecchio : Oh, what, did you use it on your last partner, Billy 'Swiss Cheese' McAllister?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, I admit it was an unusual tactic, but I got the notion from a young scout who lashed a caribou to his chest. Unfortunately, it was unrelated to police work.

• Ray Vecchio : [pointing at Leggett]  That's the guy who did it.

  Constable Benton Fraser : How do you know?

  Ray Vecchio : Because he looks like, uhhh, that actor.

  Constable Benton Fraser : What actor?

  Ray Vecchio : Well, you know how on 'Barnaby Jones', you can always tell the bad guy because he's played by that actor that you see a lot?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Yes...?

  Ray Vecchio : He looks like that actor. Trust me, they haven't been able to fool me once!

  [glaring suspiciously at Zaleb as he drives away] 

  Ray Vecchio : Or maybe *he* did it.

• Ray Vecchio : These things wash off, right?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Parasites? Yes, of course. Although, there's always a possibility that they laid eggs.

  Ray Vecchio : More soap! Gimme more soap!

  Constable Benton Fraser : But I don't think so, Ray. Most parasites only live on specific hosts.

  Ray Vecchio : Oh, what, I wasn't gracious enough? I should have offered them canapes?

  Constable Benton Fraser : No, Ray. What I mean is...

  Mrs. Vecchio : [entering the bathroom]  Oh, I hope you like spaghetti and meatballs.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, if you made it, Mrs. Vecchio, I'm sure it'll be delicious.

  Ray Vecchio : Ma, you wanna get out of the bathroom?

  Mrs. Vecchio : He's such a baby.

  Ray Vecchio : It's because I'm wet!

• Ray Vecchio : Some people die in their sleep. Some people die making love to a beautiful woman. I'M gonna die wrapped in meat!

• Ray Vecchio : [Ray and Fraser are trapped inside a meat locker. Both have meat wrapped around them and Ray is wearing Fraser's Stetson]  Some people die in their sleep. Others die making love to a beautiful woman. I am going to die wrapped in meat.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Don't talk, Ray. You're expending body heat.

  Ray Vecchio : I'm going to freeze to death inside My Friend Flicka.

• Ray Vecchio : [after seeing Fraser put a tub of ice cream to his forehead]  Fraser, what are you doing?

  Constable Benton Fraser : It's nineteen degrees cooler over here.

  Ray Vecchio : I know you're nostalgic for that glacier lifestyle, but you're missing the whole point of coming to a supermarket.

  Constable Benton Fraser : What do you mean?

  Ray Vecchio : Well, the modern supermarket is the place to meet women in the nineties.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Really?

  Ray Vecchio : Absolutely! I mean, you don't know who you're going to meet in a bar. At least in here, you can tell a lot about a person just by the section you meet her in.

  Constable Benton Fraser : How?

  Ray Vecchio : Well, for example, if she's near the vegetables, she cares about her body. If she's near the meat, an animal in bed. And if she's near the Eskimo pies, she's given up - move back to meat!