- Dr. Ray Barnett: What's the big hurry?
- Neela Rasgotra: Zoe's here, she's in exam two.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: [looks pleased] She is?
- Neela Rasgotra: Yes, she is. Oh, and I almost forgot. She's fourteen years old.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: Shut up.
- Neela Rasgotra: She was born in 1990, Ray.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: [shocked] What?
- Neela Rasgotra: That's the decade immediately preceding the one that we're in.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: Are you for real?
- Neela Rasgotra: Yes. And in prison math, I believe fourteen equals 5 to 10?
- Dr. Ray Barnett: Where is she?
- Neela Rasgotra: [amused] Exam two. And here's the kicker, Jerry Lee, your prepubescent penis pal has Chlamydia.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: I had no idea she was that young!
- Neela Rasgotra: Young? She's still teething. Although, I don't know, maybe you enjoy that.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: She didn't say anything, how was I supposed to know?
- Neela Rasgotra: Take her out for coffee, converse with her a bit, before you start boffing and handing out house keys!
- Dr. Ray Barnett: I don't card my dates, okay?
- Neela Rasgotra: Oh, well maybe it's time that you started.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: 1990?
- Neela Rasgotra: It was a very good year for Chlamydia.
- [Ray has just found out that Zoe is 14 years old]
- Zoe Butler: I didn't think you'd like me if you knew!
- Dr. Ray Barnett: Well, you know, you're right! Because I also don't like courtrooms, and prisons, and men named Hank who make me their bitch!
- Dr. Archie Morris: By all that is good and holy, what diabolical spell have you cast upon that child?
- Dr. Ray Barnett: Why didn't you tell me?
- Zoe Butler: I thought it was just a bladder infection from all the sex we were having.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: No, God, not that. Why didn't you tell me how old you are?
- Zoe Butler: Well, you never asked.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: You said you were a student.
- Zoe Butler: I am !
- Dr. Ray Barnett: In what, 9th grade?
- Zoe Butler: Eighth.
- Neela Rasgotra: It sounds like a bladder infection.
- Zoe Butler: Oh, I figured.
- Neela Rasgotra: You can get it from many things like sex. Lots of it.
- Zoe Butler: I've been doing that.
- Neela Rasgotra: Don't I know it.
- Neela Rasgotra: I'm sorry.
- Dr. Ray Barnett: Why? Because I talked myself into liking some groupie who turned out to be Hilary Duff with an STD?
- Dr. Abby Lockhart: We should take a core temp.
- Neela Rasgotra: I'm not sticking anything up this monkey's ass.
- Dr. Abby Lockhart: You know, if I had a nickel for everytime I said that.
- Dr. Archie Morris: [after thinking the chimp is a baby] Is he cute?
- Abby Lockhart: Yeah... it's a hairy little monkey.
- Dr. Victor Clemente: This isn't a surgical consult, my friend. If you can't get out of bed and come into work, I don't see why we have to listen to you. Okay, little mechanical bitch?