- Nurse Samantha Taggart: Men only think about three things: food, sports and sex. Dogs are more mysterious. If they ever invent a refrigerator with a wide-screen TV and a vagina, we're all doomed.
- Luka Kovac: [to Abby] How's the Psych rotation?
- Abby Lockhart: Kind of scary.
- Luka Kovac: The patients?
- Abby Lockhart: No, me. I like it.
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: [to Morris] What are you doing?
- Dr. Archie Morris: Icing my nads.
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: Excuse me?
- Dr. Archie Morris: One of the patients grabbed my junk.
- Abby Lockhart: [to Carter] How's Kem? She must be getting big.
- John Carter: Very.
- Abby Lockhart: You should see Susan.
- John Carter: How's she doing?
- Abby Lockhart: Well, you know how some mothers talk to their unborn children? Susan threatened to pull hers out with her bare hands if it didn't hurry up.
- Dr. Archie Morris: Sounds like he TUBE'd her.
- Nurse Samantha Taggart: What?
- Dr. Archie Morris: TUBE: Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam.
- Nurse Samantha Taggart: Morris, you're such an ass.
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: What was that?
- Dr. Archie Morris: Huh?
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: What was that term?
- Dr. Archie Morris: I dunno. I didn't make it up.
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: [after a female patient has complained about Pratt's breast exam] Did you T.U.B E. her, Pratt?
- Dr. Greg Pratt: What?
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: That's what you call it, isn't it, when you wanna feel up a good-looking patient?
- James Connor: What happened?
- Nurse Samantha Taggart: He fixed your elbow.
- James Connor: Holy crap, you're good!
- Dr. Greg Pratt: You can pick up your Dr. Pratt Fan Club ring at the door.