Lisa Whelchel: Blair Warner

Quotes 

• Edna Garrett : Blair, couldn't you wait with this tax thing until your father comes back?

  Blair Warner : I can handle one little taxman. After all, I am a Warner. I have charm, wit and superior intelligence. Oh, and let's not forget, the operative word in "taxman" is "man."

• Blair Warner : [the IRS man is leaving after blindsiding her about her tax return]  I want my daddy.

  Mr. Garfield : [smugly]  So do we.

• Mr. Garfield : All right, Blair. Uhm... on your tax return, you listed your occupation as fashion consultant.

  Blair Warner : Well,

  [chuckles] 

  Blair Warner : one does what one does best.

  Mr. Garfield : That must be a *fascinating* job. Tell me, what exactly does a fashion consultant do?

  Blair Warner : Well, uhm... One watches for trends, one gauges reactions, one... reads Cosmopolitan.

• David Warner : Are you okay, Princess?

  Blair Warner : Not really, Daddy.

  [shakes her head] 

  David Warner : Oh, I know how distressing all this IRS business has been for you. But don't you worry, my attorneys are taking care of everything.

  Blair Warner : How did this happen?

  David Warner : It was my fault. I should have known better than to leave things in other people's hands. It's true, you know, if you want something done right, you do it yourself.

  Blair Warner : Daddy, it was terrible. That taxman made me feel like a common criminal.

  David Warner : Aw. I bet you thought we were both going up the river. Yeah, that would mean they'd have to forward your Neiman Marcus catalog to Sing Sing.

  [pulls her close, kisses her on top of her head] 

  Blair Warner : Daddy... my tax return was as thick as a phone book. Why didn't you tell me about all of that stuff?

  David Warner : I didn't wanna bother you with a lot of little details.

  Blair Warner : Little details? Daddy, I own a cannery in Guam. I don't even know where Guam is!

  David Warner : Oh? It's an island in the Pacific.

  Blair Warner : I don't care where it is, Daddy! I don't wanna own anything there!

  David Warner : Honey, that cannery is a terrific investment. It loses us fifty thousand dollars a year. Do you know how much money that saves us?

  Blair Warner : What difference does that make?