Family Guy (TV Series)

Fat Guy Strangler (2005)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Jackie Gleason, Carter Pewterschmidt, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Effeminate Cow, TV Announcer, Dick, George W. Bush

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Peter is seen taking his physical alongside Lois] 

  Doctor : My goodness, you'll be dead within a month!

  Peter Griffin , Lois Griffin : What?

  [Doctor pulls out the comics] 

  Doctor : Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month.

  [Looks at Peter] 

  Doctor : Now, onto you.

  Peter Griffin : So, What do you think? I'm pretty healthy, huh?

  Doctor : Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results.

  [Opens booklet and screams] 

  Doctor : [Peter and Lois gasp] 

  Doctor : There's a spider in here!

  [Turns to them] 

  Doctor : Now, here we go.

  Doctor : Mr. Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.

  [Peter and Lois gasp] 

  Doctor : This is your driver's license, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...

  [Peter and Lois gasp] 

  Doctor : ...When you watch these Dean Martin celebrity roasts!

  Lois Griffin : Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?

  Doctor : Uh, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this...

  [Peter and Lois boggle their eyes] 

  Doctor : ... Kim 'Baasenger', 'Baysenger', 'Basenjer', 'Bay-singer'? But now, on to the cancer...

  [Peter and Lois gasp] 

  Doctor : You are a cancer, right? You were born in July? Now, on to these test results... My, they're much worse than I thought.

  [Peter and Lois gasp] 

  Doctor : [Shows paper]  My son got a D minus on his history test. Now, Griffin, that liver has got to come out.

  [Peter and Lois gasp] 

  Doctor : It's been in the microwave for three minutes now; it will get dry!

  Lois Griffin : Please... Please, we can't take anymore schtick. Please just tell us: is Peter healthy?

  Doctor : Oh yeah, he's fine. He's just really fat.

• Brian Griffin : Look!

  [Pictures of dead fat guys on the wall] 

  Lois Griffin : That doesn't mean anything.

  Brian Griffin : What about that dead fat guy under the bed?

  Lois Griffin : Coincidence?

  Brian Griffin : What about that other half-dead fat guy?

  Half-Dead Fat Guy : Patrick did it.

  Lois Griffin : It could be any Patrick.

• Peter Griffin : Did you just say I was fat?

  Doctor : Well, uh, yeah. You... you are pretty fat.

  Peter Griffin : Um, okay... this is news to me.

• [Peter prances into the living room wearing an outfit about ten sizes too small] 

  Peter Griffin : Lois, if I'm fat, then Stewie is, too, because we wear the same size onesie.

• Lois Griffin : Peter, don't forget, you have your physical today at 1:00.

  Peter Griffin : For the hundreth time, Lois, I won't forget. Nag nag nag. Sometimes, I think I should have married that woman I met the night of my bachelor party.

  [cut to Lois helping Peter out of the bar] 

  Lois Griffin : Peter, I can't believe your friends just left you here. Let's get you home.

  Peter Griffin : Wow, strange lady, you're so sexy. I should marry you tomorrow instead of that pain in the ass Lois.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, it's me.

  Peter Griffin : You know what? Screw it! I am SO gonna cheat on Lois right now. I don't care if she finds out.

  Lois Griffin : Peter...

  Peter Griffin : You got a condom? Never mind, I got this Milky Way wrapper.

• Brian Griffin : Peter, you've got to get these guys out of here. Patrick is the murderer.

  Peter Griffin : What? You son of a bitch!

  Lois Griffin : Don't listen to Brian. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

  Peter Griffin : Out of my way, Lois! Your brother is toast! Warm buttery toast.

  Lois Griffin : Run, Patrick, Run!

  Peter Griffin : After him!