Fawlty Towers (TV Series)

The Builders (1975)

John Cleese: Basil Fawlty

Photos 

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Quotes 

• O'Reilly : Well, let me tell you, if the good lord meant us to worry, he would'a given us things to worry about.

  Basil Fawlty : He has - My wife! She will be back here in 4 hours and she can kill a man at 10 paces with one blow off her tongue. How am I supposed not to worry?

• O'Reilly : I'm tellin' you, if the good lord...

  Basil Fawlty : ...Is mentioned once more, I shall move you closer to him.

  [Desperately] 

  Basil Fawlty : Now, PLEASE...

• [Basil is raving at Polly about the remodeling fiasco] 

  Polly : Well, it's not my fault!

  Basil Fawlty : You fell asleep and it's not your fault?

  Polly : He forgot to wake me!

  Basil Fawlty : WHO forgot to wake you?

  Polly : [pause]  It IS my fault.

  Basil Fawlty : [shouts]  MANUEL! I KNEW IT! MANUEL!

• Basil Fawlty : [Over the phone]  Now, look here, O'Reilly, I want my dining room door put back in and this other one taken away by 100, do you understand? No, no, no, I don't want to debate about it. If you're not over here in 20 minutes with my door, I shall come over there and insert a large garden gnome in you. Good day.

• Sybil Fawlty : Basil! Basil! Where are you going?

  Basil Fawlty : [Walking out of the hotel, carrying the garden gnome]  I'm going to see Mr O'Reilly, dear. Then I think I might go to Canada.

• Basil Fawlty : Oh, good morning, Major. I'm so sorry, I'm afraid the dining room door seems to have disappeared.

  Major Gowen : Oh yes, oh yes, so it has! It used to be there!

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, well, I was silly enough to leave the hotel for a few minutes, and...

  Major Gowen : Yes, well, well, these things happen, you know.

  Major Gowen : [looking around lobby]  Now, I wonder where it's got to.

  [Looks at the Major in disbelief] 

  Major Gowen : Oh well, don't worry, it's bound to turn up.

• Basil Fawlty : [on the phone with O'Reilly]  So, next week's definite then, is it? Oh, good. Well, that'll be nice, won't it? I mean, we've waited for that wall about as long as Hadrian.

  [pause] 

  Basil Fawlty : No-no, Hadrian. The emperor Hadrian. He had a wall... It doesn't matter. I'll explain next week. Thank you so much. Goodbye.

• O'Reilly : The trouble with you, Mr. Fawlty, is that you worry too much. You keep it up like this and you'll have a stroke before 50. Stone dead you'll be.

  Basil Fawlty : Suits me.

• Polly : Don't panic!

  Basil Fawlty : [shouting]  WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO?

• Basil Fawlty : [to Polly]  Oh, I see, it's my fault, is it? Oh, of course, there I was, thinking it was your fault because you had been left in charge, or Manuel's fault for not waking you, and all the time it was MY fault. Oh, it's so obvious now. I've seen the light! Well, I must be punished then, mustn't I?

  [spanking himself] 

  Basil Fawlty : You're a naughty boy, Fawlty!

• Sybil Fawlty : [Noticing her garden gnome on the front desk]  Oh, Basil?

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, dear?

  Sybil Fawlty : What is THAT doing here?

  Basil Fawlty : It's your garden gnome, dear. Isn't it nice?

  Sybil Fawlty : Well, don't you think it would be better in the garden?

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, dear. Good idea.

  Sybil Fawlty : Oh, no-no-no, Basil. Put him back. On second thought I think I'll leave him in charge. I'm sure he's cheap and he'll certainly be better at it than you are.

• Basil Fawlty : Now while we're away - gone - clean the windows.

  [Manuel looks very confused] 

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, look... Cuando nosotoros somos... away. What's "away" in Spanish?

  Manuel : Eh...?

  Basil Fawlty : You know, away, AWAY!

  Manuel : Oh, si si!

  Basil Fawlty : [grabbing Manuel before he scurries away]  No, not you! While we're away, CLEAN the windows!

  Manuel : Green?

  Basil Fawlty : No, no, look. Clean...

  [Pulls handkerchief from pocket, puts it in Manuels hand and makes a cleaning motion] 

  Basil Fawlty : ...the windows! Clean...

  Manuel : [still not comprehending but parroting Basil]  ... clean... clean...

  Basil Fawlty : ...the windows.

  [exasperated, Basil picks up Manuel and carries him under his arm into the dining room] 

  Manuel : AHH!

  Major Gowen : [as the two pass]  Morning, Fawlty!

  Basil Fawlty : [carrying Manuel]  Morning Major!

  Major Gowen : [setting Manuel down and forcing him to clean the windows]  The windows, see? Look. Clean the windows!

  Manuel : [finally getting it]  Si! Comprendo, comprendo.

• Basil Fawlty : We're going to do the best day's work you've ever done!

• Sybil Fawlty : Do try and be agreeable this weekend, Basil. Now have I got everything?

  Basil Fawlty : Handbag, knuckle-dusters, flick-knife...

• Basil Fawlty : [to Polly]  Well, whose fault is it then, you cloth-eared bint - Denis Compton's?

• Sybil Fawlty : [to Basil, about O'Reilly]  He's shoddy, he doesn't care, he's a liar, he's incompetent, he's lazy; he's nothing but a half-witted, thick Irish joke!

  [O'Reilly enters from the bar, having helped himself to a drink] 

  Sybil Fawlty : Ah, Mr. O'Reilly! We were just talking about you!

  Basil Fawlty : [cutting in, so as not to hurt O'Reilly's feelings]  Oh yes, we WERE talking about you... Then we changed the subject, and were talking about *another* Irish builder we used to know; God, *he* was AWFUL!

• Basil Fawlty : Aaaaaaaagh! Oooh! Getting a bit of gyp from the old leg this morning. Not to worry.

• Sybil Fawlty : And you're going to wear that jacket, are you?

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, I am, thank you, dear, yes.

  Sybil Fawlty : You just haven't a clue, have you?

  Basil Fawlty : You wouldn't understand, dear. It's called style.

• Basil Fawlty : What is the point of something like that?

  Polly : No point.

  Basil Fawlty : No point?

  Polly : What's the point in being alive?

  Basil Fawlty : Beats me. We're stuck with it, I suppose.

• Sybil Fawlty : I am going to make you regret this for the rest of your life, Basil.

  Basil Fawlty : Well, fair enough, I suppose, but I think Stubbs is partly to blame...

  Sybil Fawlty : Basil!

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, dear?

  Sybil Fawlty : Don't you dare! Don't you dare give me any more of those pathetic lies!

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, right.

  Sybil Fawlty : What do you take me for? Did you really think that I would believe that this shambles is the work of professional builders? I mean, people who do it for a living?

  Basil Fawlty : No, no, not really, no.

  Sybil Fawlty : Why did I trust you, Basil? Why did I let you make the arrangements? I could have seen what was going to happen. Why did I do it?

  Basil Fawlty : Well, we all make mistakes, dear.

  [Sybil hits Basil] 

  Sybil Fawlty : I'm sick to death of you! You never learn, do you? You never, ever learn!

  [Sybil throws an object across the room] 

  Sybil Fawlty : We have used O'Reilly three times in the last year and each time it has been a fiasco! That wall out there is still not done! You got him in to change a washer in November and we didn't have any running water for two weeks!

  Basil Fawlty : Well, he's not really a plumber, dear.

  Sybil Fawlty : Well, then why did you hire him? Because he's cheap.

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, I wouldn't call him cheap, Sybil.

  Sybil Fawlty : Well, what would you call him, then?

  Basil Fawlty : Well, cheapish, but I mean...

  Sybil Fawlty : And the reason he's cheapish is he's no bloody good!

  [Sybil kicks Basil] 

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, Sybil, you do exaggerate. He's not brilliant.

  Sybil Fawlty : Not brilliant? He belongs in a zoo!

  [Sybil kicks Basil again] 

• Basil Fawlty : Up to your usual standard, I think I could say. A few holes in the floor, the odd door missing, but nothing you can't be sued for.

• Sybil Fawlty : [smiling]  You think I'm joking, don't you?

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, don't smile.

  Sybil Fawlty : Why are you smiling, Mr. O'Reilly?

  O'Reilly : Well, to be perfectly honest, Mrs. Fawlty, I like a woman with spirit.

  Sybil Fawlty : Oh, do you? Is that what you like?

  O'Reilly : I do. I do.

  Sybil Fawlty : Oh, good.

  [Sybil picks up an umbrella] 

  Basil Fawlty : Now, Sybil, that's enough.

  [Sybil hits Basil with the umbrella] 

  Sybil Fawlty : [while hitting O'Reilly repeatedly with the umbrella]  Come on, then. Give us a smile.

• O'Reilly : Just remember, Mr. Fawlty, there's always someone worse off than yourself.

  Basil Fawlty : Is there? Well, I'd like to meet him. I could do with a laugh.

• Basil Fawlty : Have a nice day, dear. Don't drive over any mines or anything. Toxic midget.