- Corrina Spicer: I love kids, that's why I became a teacher.
- Joey Gladstone: That's why I refused to grow up.
- Corrina Spicer: You seem pretty grown up to me.
- Joey Gladstone: Oh yeah, I'm the only guy in the world with Abe Lincoln's head on a stick.
- D.J. Tanner: [about to watch the Wizard of Oz, the screen is snow] Dad I think there's something wrong with the TV, it's snowing in Kansas.
- Danny Tanner: What were you really doing down here with that bat?
- Jesse Cochran: I was going to kill him.
- Danny Tanner: Oh it's the sweetest little movie! There's this sweet girl, Dorothy, who has this adorable dog, Toto, who gets kidnapped by this horrible witch. But she gets her dog back, and her house flies through the air and then it... it lands on this other horrible witch who's feet curl up like party favors. Trust me, honey, it's the sweetest little movie!
- Joey Gladstone: [holding a large Mr. Potato Head, Jesse crept up on him in the dark with a baseball bat, the lights come on and Danny comes downstairs] Danny this psycho was about to mash my potato!
- Joey Gladstone: [explaining why he was kissing Corrina] She was choking on a bad piece of cheese, so I gave her the Hoover Maneuver and sucked it out of her.