- Bender: You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?
- Fry: Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.
- [snores]
- Fry: [wakes up] Coffee time!
- Bender: [Gets cigar out] Ah, mighty fine smokable...
- Fry: Fancy cigar. Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff, go, go, go, go, go!
- Elzar: Here you are, big spender. Foie gras and caviar.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [sniffs it] Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish?
- Elzar: Hey, that's what rich people eat, the garbage parts of the food.
- Dr. Zoidberg: I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me 300 dollars. I'm not paying! I bid you good day, sir!
- Richard Nixon's Head: I've sent you each 300 buckeroos. In the form of a tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out!
- Amy Wong: I'm slightly richer!
- Bender: What to do, what to do. One 300 dollar hookerbot or 300 one dollar hookerbots?
- Hermes Conrad: Dwight, the boots only cost me 299 dollars and 99 cents. Here, you spend the penny on whatever you want.
- Dwight Conrad: Thanks, dad. I think I'll invest it on five shares of Amazon.com.
- Hermes Conrad: A risk taker. That's my boy.
- Bender: Say, buddy. Why is this grand cigar so pricey?
- Clerk: Well, as you can see, the wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution. It was hand rolled by Queen Elizabeth during her wild years, and was buried with George Burns until graverobbing space mushrooms... well, you know the rest.
- Bender: I'll give you 300 bucks for it.
- Clerk: No can do.
- Bender: Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then.
- Clerk: Very well, sir.
- Bender: So, uh, what time d'you close tonight?
- Zapp Brannigan: The Spiderians, though weak and gilrly in combat, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way. The lazy bugs actually wove this tapestry celebrating my victory as I was killing them.
- Obese young woman: It's better for us to be just ourselves. You, wrinkle as a prune.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: You, fat as the queen of sea cows.
- Obese young woman: I love you!
- Rich Guy: You're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.
- Roseanne: Futurama: Noun. Definition: Oh, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Here's a fun definition. Idiot: Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.
- Turanga Leela: I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu.
- Whale Biologist: Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologist. Though personally I hate whales. Especially Mushu.
- Mom: Hey, Zapp. How much is that oversized placemat actually worth?
- Zapp Brannigan: Exactly ten million dollars.
- Mom: Now that's walking around money!