- George Lopez: [watching TV] Hey, "Leave It to Beaver."
- Max Lopez: I hate these old shows.
- George Lopez: Hey, when I was growing up, my dad wasn't around, my mom was always working - these shows were like my family. "The Munsters," "The Jetsons"... I used to pretend they loved me.
- Max Lopez: And you're the guy I'm supposed to look up to, huh?
- George Lopez: [as Ralph Kramden from "The Honeymooners"] One of these days, Max, one of these days... POW! ZOOM! Straight to the moon!
- [Max looks confused]
- George Lopez: [as Vinnie Barbarino from "Welcome Back, Kotter"] Up your nose with a rubber hose?
- [as Flo from "Alice"]
- George Lopez: Oh, kiss my grits!
- [as Chico from "Chico and the Man"]
- George Lopez: It's not my job, man!
- [normal voice]
- George Lopez: Eh, go to bed.
- [he does]
- George Lopez: Max,
- [as Fred Sanford from "Sanford and Son"]
- George Lopez: good night, you big dummy!
- Max Lopez: [exasperated] I don't know what you're saying!