- George Lopez: [Ernie offers to be Ricky's foster parent] What are you gonna do if he drives a car through your fence?
- Ernie: George, my dad's 75. He does that once a week.
- Wendy: Why don't you come in? I'm waiting for some wine to be delivered.
- George Lopez: You know it's 10:30 in the morning.
- Wendy: It's a white wine.
- George Lopez: [about Ricky] Look, Angie, his dad walked out on him, too.
- Angie Lopez: Honey, this isn't your life.
- George Lopez: No, it might be worse. I mean, my mom was rough, but at least she wasn't a drunk.
- Wendy: [drunk at 10:30 in the morning] I just... can't think straight. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm trying to get my life together.
- George Lopez: [about Ricky] Um, maybe I should call his dad. Can I get his number?
- Wendy: Yeah, not from me. I have no idea where he is. But if you find him, you tell that loser that he owes me 10 years worth of child support.
- George Lopez: Right. Okay, look, maybe I should just take Ricky back to school.
- Wendy: Yeah... now's not a very good time for me.
- George Lopez: If you want... he could stay with us for a couple more days.
- George Lopez: [about Ricky] Look, I want him to stay with us for a while.
- Angie Lopez: Are you crazy? I mean, first the garage, then the fence. He's getting closer to where we sleep, George.
- George Lopez: [Ernie has a black eye] Oh, man, what happened?
- Ernie: I don't want to talk about it!
- George Lopez: Oh, Ernie, don't tell me some lie about how you fell again. You know, sooner or later, you're gonna have to leave that man.
- Ernie: Man, I'm done reffing soccer.
- George Lopez: Why?
- Ernie: Last night, I make one close call and then all of a sudden, there's a mob of angry parents in my face. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground!
- George Lopez: Yeah, dude, some of those dads get crazy.
- Ernie: Well, actually, it was a soccer mom. And she was pregnant, so I couldn't punch her back.
- George Lopez: So why can't we help Ricky?
- Angie Lopez: Because we have to think about Max first. He's about to fail the 5th grade, and Ricky is a bad influence on him. You said so yourself. I don't want him in our house.
- George Lopez: Well, if he can't go home and he can't stay here, I mean, what is he supposed to do?
- Ernie: Hey, what if he stays with me?
- George Lopez: Oh, come on, Ernie.
- Ernie: No. He can stay with me and my folks.
- George Lopez: You serious?
- Ernie: Yeah. You remember my mom and dad used to be foster parents? And I could get certified while Ricky's staying with us.
- George Lopez: But, dude, I mean, come on. Taking on a kid. Isn't that gonna cut into your social... Well, what about climbing up the corporate... What if you meet a girl who... You know what? You can take my kids, too.
- Ernie: Hey, this is gonna work, George. I can actually make a difference in someone's life.
- George Lopez: [to Angie] Well, you know, Ernie's parents do have plenty of room. I mean, they even have that paneled basement downstairs where Ernie tried to do his own cable access show, 'It's Ernie'.
- Angie Lopez: Wow, this smells great.
- Ricky: I cook for my mom all the time.
- Angie Lopez: Well, she's lucky to have you for a son. How come you don't cook anything for me, Max?
- Max Lopez: 'Cause I don't have to work for your love. I mean, who's my competition, Carmen? I don't think so.
- George Lopez: You did it this time, Max. You're grounded for sneaking Ricky in the house.
- Angie Lopez: He's already grounded for skateboarding in the house.
- George Lopez: All right, then no video games for a month!
- Angie Lopez: We took them away for eavesdropping on the phone calls.
- George Lopez: Allowance?
- Angie Lopez: Took it away when they burned down the garage.
- George Lopez: [to Max] Okay, you leave me no choice. For the rest of the month... you're not allowed to use your hands!