Get Smart (TV Series)

The Worst Best Man (1968)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hymie : [at Max' bachelor party]  It's 5 minutes to 10, Max, I think we should show the movies now.

  Maxwell Smart : Movies?

  Hymie : Yes Max, I understand that's what they usually do at bachalor parties, show films.

  Maxwell Smart : Oh, what have you got, Hymie?

  Hymie : Oh, what have you got, Hymie? Well, it took a little doing, Max, but I managed to get these:

  [hands over a list] 

  Maxwell Smart : [unfolds list eagerly]  "Down the Colorado River by kayak". "The Wonderful World of Zinc" and "Holland, land of dykes and tulips".

• Chief : If you ask somebody to be your best man, it's a guarantee something will happen to him.

  Hymie : How come you never asked me, Max? I always thought I was your best friend.

  Maxwell Smart : Yes, well, you are my best friend, Hymie, but you're a robot. I need a best man, not a best thing.

  Maxwell Smart : Sorry about that, Hymie, but, well, you see, it wouldn't be legal the other way. I need someone who can sign the marriage certificate and, and be a witness.

  Hymie : I can sign it Max, I can also make copies.

• Chief : Now why would KAOS want to deal with every man you ask to be your best man?

  # 99 : Why don't you ask Hymie, Max?

  Maxwell Smart : That's a good idea, 99, Hymie...

  Hymie : I accept, Max.

  Maxwell Smart : No, Hymie, I wasn't going to ask you to be my best man, I was gonna ask you why KAOS is after every man that I ask to be my best man?

• Chief : [discussing Max' bachelor party]  Alright, I'll thrown in the cake. The one that Agent 38 comes out of the cake.

  Maxwell Smart : I don't think I would like that, Chief.

  Chief : Why not?

  Maxwell Smart : It's just not the same when a guy pops out of a cake.

  Chief : Have you seen 38 in a bikini?

• # 99 : [about to dismantle a bomb hidden in Hymie]  Chief, this'll only take two of us, there's no need in risking another life, especially when that life is responsible for the entire Control organization, isn't that right, Max?

  Maxwell Smart : It certainly is, 99, but I think I should stay around anyway and help.

• Maxwell Smart : [after an explosion, bits of paper are falling down like confetti]  What are all these papers?

  Chief : Well Max, that was, those were secret papers of Control!

  Maxwell Smart : Well why didn't you tell me, Chief?

  Chief : I couldn't, Max, it was a secret!

  Maxwell Smart : 99, you don't happen to have a bottle of glue on you, do ya?