- Agent 99: Don't you touch me!
- Maxwell Smart: What's the matter?
- Agent 99: You know perfectly well what's the matter. You don't love me any more because I'm fat and unattractive.
- Maxwell Smart: That is ridiculous, 99, just because you're fat and unattractive doesn't mean that I stopped loving you.
- Agent 99: Oh, why don't you just come right out and say it, Max?
- Maxwell Smart: Huh?
- Agent 99: Fat, fat the water rat!
- Maxwell Smart: Fat, fat the water rat?
- Agent 99: You take that back!
- Chief: The moment she tries to kill him, we'll have her for attempted murder.
- Agent 99: But what if she kills him before you get there to stop her?
- Chief: Then we'll have her for murder.
- Maxwell Smart: That's even better, 99, it's tough to beat a murder rap!
- Ann Cameron: [about Maxwell Smart] I'd better move very fast to kill this one.
- Schroeder: Why do you say that?
- Ann Cameron: Because he's liable to kill himself first.
- Maxwell Smart: 99, what are you doing here?
- Agent 99: Max, I wanted to make sure you were alright.
- Maxwell Smart: I'm fine, 99, Now you'd better get out of here before my wife sees you.
- Agent 99: Max! I'm you're wife!
- Maxwell Smart: Yes, I know that, 99 I mean my other wife.