- Emily Gilmore: [Poking around Rory's room] I used to do this all the time with Lorelai and the things I found. Once I opened the bottom drawer to her dresser and it was chalk full of Tootsie Rolls. Hundreds and hundreds. Practically spilling out. What could a girl possibly want with a drawer full of Tootsie Rolls?
- Richard Gilmore: Perhaps it was what was under the Tootsie Rolls, Emily.
- Emily Gilmore: Under the Tootsie Rolls! Oh, my God, I should have looked under the Tootsie Rolls! Oh, that's going to bother me. God knows what she had in there.
- Logan Huntzberger: This cloak and dagger stuff can be a little tricky if you don't own a dagger... and you look funny in a cloak.
- Lane Kim: So, what's going on in the world?
- Lorelai Gilmore: Nothing...
- Lane Kim: Nothing?
- Lorelai Gilmore: Good. Nothing good. There's absolutely nothing positive going on anywhere in the world. How could that be?
- Lane Kim: That's why I don't read the paper anymore.
- Lorelai Gilmore: You will mine. I am starting my own. The Good News Daily - nothing but good news every day.
- Lane Kim: Sounds good.
- Lorelai Gilmore: "No civil war in Canada" - big article. "Cars drive down road without incident" - front-page news. "Puppies - how cute are they?" In-depth exposé. And the subscription is free. How happy is that?
- Lane Kim: I'm in a better mood.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Where is all this stupid stuff coming from?
- Michel Gerard: Looks like classic home shopping channel merchandise to me.
- Lorelai Gilmore: I haven't bought anything off the home shopping channel.
- Michel Gerard: That you remember.
- Lorelai Gilmore: How could I not remember?
- Michel Gerard: You could be deluding yourself. Suppressing a shameful, costly, and yes, extremely tacky shopping addiction from your memory.
- Lorelai Gilmore: For days she's been emptying her house, sending me everything she doesn't need anymore, trying to smoke me out of my foxhole.
- Luke Danes: Well, call her and tell her to knock it off!
- Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, no! That's exactly what she wants! I poke my head out of the foxhole, it gets blown off! Then I have no head, Luke!
- Luke Danes: There's a giant urn in my diner.
- Lorelai Gilmore: It started small, you know? A clock, a birdcage, some Victorian figurines, an old telescope. That was just the ground war. She was softening me up. Now comes the aerial campaign. The carpet bombing. And I bet she'll bomb me with actual carpets!
- Sookie St. James: This is just like in Spanish class when you get your Spanish name!
- Lorelai Gilmore: What was yours?
- Sookie St. James: Sookia, I don't think its an actual Spanish name, I think they just put an "a" on the end.
- Lorelai Gilmore: What's number two?
- Kirk Gleason: Number two. Chergogagog Manchogagog Cherbonagongamog.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Chergona-what?
- Kirk Gleason: An old Nimblook Indian name. It means: you fish on your side of the lake, I'll fish on my side, no one fishes in the middle. Or maybe it means Buffalo.
- Lorelai Gilmore: It's unpronouncable. Next?
- Kirk Gleason: From 1768, something flavorful. Crusty Bulge.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, come on!
- Michel Gerard: We are on Sores and Boils Alley.
- Sookie St. James: Why can't it be something that doesn't ooze and run? What about bunions? Bunions are ok right? Sort of onions, mixed with buns, sorta appetizing if you don't think about it too much.
- Kirk Gleason: You can choose any of three historically anchored street names that pre-dated Sores and Boils Alley. It's a generous proposal.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Let's hear 'em.
- Kirk Gleason: The first one is Constabulary Road.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Constabulary Road.
- Kirk Gleason: It's a very nice name. Classic. Very evocative of old-time Stars Hollow.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, it's very nice, but Kirk, that's the exact same name of Esther Wilkins' street. I mean, the exact name. It's taken.
- Kirk Gleason: I know. Apparently at one time there were several streets named Constabulary Road in Stars Hollow.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, that would be incredibly confusing.
- Kirk Gleason: Oh, it would be a disaster. It was back then, too. Mail was mis-delivered, soldiers lost their way. It completely disoriented senior citizens. There was rioting, chaos, death.
- Sookie St. James: What kind of menu do you serve on "Sores and Boils Alley"?
- Michel Gerard: Anything in a crust.