The Golden Girls (TV Series)

Clinton Avenue Memoirs (1990)

Bea Arthur: Dorothy Zbornak

Quotes 

• Dorothy Zbornak : You know, I never thought Ma would lose her memory. Of course, I never thought Alan Alda would get on my nerves.

• Blanche Devereaux : Woe is me, woe, oh, woe is me.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Problem, Blanche?

  Blanche Devereaux : Yes. It's my hair. It has split ends, it's dull and listless, it makes my face look...

  [she pauses to think] 

  Dorothy Zbornak : Its age?

  Blanche Devereaux : If you're gonna make fun of somebody, make fun of Rose.

  [Rose looks up from her work at the kitchen table with a "why me?, what did I do?" look] 

  Blanche Devereaux : I need the professional care of the most talented hairdresser in Miami, Robaire. Oh, he's brilliant. Do you know he was the first one ever to use mousse?

  Rose Nylund : I'd check my facts if I were you, Blanche. Mr Ingrid of St Olaf has been using moose ever since I can remember. Of course, it's his own professional secret which part of the moose he uses.

• Sophia Petrillo : Dorothy, can you drive me to the mall Friday night? They're giving free blood pressure tests, and some of the girls and I have a high-low bet.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma, honey, don't you remember? Friday night, we're planning on having dinner at Joe's Stone Crab.

  Sophia Petrillo : Oh?

  Dorothy Zbornak : Honey, it's your wedding anniversary.

  Sophia Petrillo : Oh, yeah, right. Sounds nice.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma, you didn't forget, did you?

  Sophia Petrillo : [insulted and defensive]  Oh, forgive me, I forgot something. Maybe you should ship me back to Shady Pines. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the living room, being feeble. If I can *find* the living room!

• Dorothy Zbornak : [joins Sophia, looking through the family photo album]  Look, here we all are.

  Sophia Petrillo : Your Sweet Sixteen party, right?

  Dorothy Zbornak : Right. Oh, look at that beautiful chiffon dress.

  Sophia Petrillo : Yeah, your brother Phil always did like to make a splash.

• Rose Nylund : Sophia, Dorothy, how'd it go at the doctor's?

  Dorothy Zbornak : It was great! He said that Ma's memory problem could be related to a nutritional imbalance, so he put her on a special diet, and if she follows it, she'll be fine from here on out.

  Sophia Petrillo : [not sharing Dorothy's optimism]  Oh, lucky me. I can remember from now on. My whole past is gone. I could have slept with JFK, and don't even know it.

  Dorothy Zbornak : [trying hard not to laugh]  Ma, I don't think so. You're not mentioned in any of the books.

  Blanche Devereaux : [in a low, sultry voice]  Well, that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma, come on now. I mean, he also said that there are things that you can do that might bring back some of what you've lost. I mean, we could talk about the good old days, reminisce with old friends. Honey, you have to look on the bright side.

  Sophia Petrillo : I've had a lifetime of bright sides. I'll just have to learn to do without them.

  [she leaves] 

  Dorothy Zbornak : Oh, dammit. I hate watching what this is doing to her.

  Blanche Devereaux : I hate watching what it's doin' to you.

  Rose Nylund : I hate watching those FBI warnings at the beginning of video rentals.

• Sophia Petrillo : [Sophia and Dorothy go back to Brooklyn]  Isn't it good to be back in the old neighborhood, Dorothy? Watching the kids playing stickball on the corner...

  Dorothy Zbornak : [as gently as she can]  Ma, they were beating a man. That's sort of why I called the police.