- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ma, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
- Sophia Petrillo: I think I crossed that line when I got a date.
- Tony Delveccio: Where did a sweet Sicilian girl like you learn to do those things?
- Sophia Petrillo: I live with a slut.
- Tony Delveccio: Thank her for me.
- Sophia Petrillo: [talking about her new boyfriend, Tony Delveccio] I fantasize about him all day. Last night I dreamed I was Joan of Arc, and he was comin' at me with a hose.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [embarrassed to hear her mother discussing her love life] Ma, maybe it was just a religious experience dream.
- Blanche Devereaux: Did he put out the fire?
- Sophia Petrillo: Three times.
- Blanche Devereaux: [in awe] Wow. The seldom-achieved Joan of Arc fantasy triple! Sophia, I hate you!
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Look me in the eye. Did you sleep with Tony Delveccio?
- Sophia Petrillo: A little.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ma!
- Sophia Petrillo: Blanche made me do it.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [incensed] What, don't you have a mind of your own? If Gladys Goldfine told you to drink a whole bottle of Kaopectate, would you?
- Sophia Petrillo: Who blabbed?
- Blanche Devereaux: [to Rose] If you hold Miles at bay, amazing things will start to happen. Oh, he'll become more attentive, he'll send you flowers. He'll be a prisoner of love, and you'll be the warden. And if you're interested, I have costumes for both of you to rent.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Blanche! First you tell my mother to sleep with a stranger, now this. I mean, what makes you think you know everything about the opposite sex?
- Blanche Devereaux: Let the record speak for itself. I have had one hundred and forty-three relationships.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: And no convictions!
- Blanche Devereaux: [the doorbell rings, and Sophia expects it's her date, as Blanche coaches her] Take your glasses off. And you know, it's a good idea if you can find something to compliment him on.
- Sophia Petrillo: [she opens the door, and without her glasses she can't tell it's really Miles, not her date] Hi. Is it my imagination, or do you have less hair on your knuckles?
- Miles Webber: Well, it could be, Sophia. At my age, everything starts to go.
- Rose Nylund: Sophia, it's Miles.
- Miles Webber: [to Sophia] Hey, you look beautiful!
- Sophia Petrillo: Boy, it has been a long time for you, hasn't it, big fella?