- Millicent Kennedy: How do you do. I'm Millicent Kennedy, Gerald's mother... I'm looking for the cheap Jezebel that's ruining my Gerald's life.
- Dorothy: Blanche, company!
- Dorothy: [Blanche comes into the house moaning after a date] Why do I feel the need to bathe?
- Rose Nylund: So, how was it, Blanche?
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh, you might as well ask me to describe the glory of the Great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of a Carolina dawn.
- Dorothy: [interpreting] They went to a sleazy motel.
- Blanche Devereaux: Or the colors of the monarch butterfly, spreadin' its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon.
- Dorothy: She got him to pay for half the room.
- Blanche Devereaux: Or the sturdy cypress, reaching heavenward, tall and mighty and proud.
- Dorothy: That one I think is pretty self-explanatory.
- Dorothy: Put the marriage back together? You told me we were coming here for closure!
- Dr. Halperin: Stan, I'm confused. Is this true?
- Stan Zbornak: Doc, we're both men. Let's not do this to each other.
- Dr. Halperin: Stanley.
- Stan Zbornak: Okay, okay. I lied, but so what? You never have?
- Dorothy: Only once, Stanley. The night I told you it was good for me, too.
- Dr. Halperin: [laughs] And you said she didn't have a sense of humor.
- Dr. Halperin: Now, Stan, what you have to do is ask yourself, why would you want to be with a woman who so clearly doesn't want to be around you?
- Dorothy: Well, I think I can answer that, Doctor. There's no other kind!
- Rose Nylund: [her colleague, Jerry Kennedy, the local TV station's news anchor is coming to the house] Boy, the timing of Jerry's visit works out perfectly for me. See, his birthday is in two weeks and the office is giving him a surprise roast. So I have to come up with one or two things I can kid him about. I can get away with it, because he considers me a good friend.
- Dorothy: Well, then, why not tease him about his taste in friends.
- Blanche Devereaux: [entering the room, feigning surprise] Oh, my goodness, we have company. I'm just so embarrassed to be seen in this old thing.
- Sophia: Don't worry, Blanche, the dress covers most of it.
- Rose Nylund: Jerry, I'd like you to meet my roommate, Blanche Devereaux. And Blanche, this is...
- Blanche Devereaux: Why, you don't have to tell *me*. "From the Gulf Coast to the Atlantic, from the Keys to the Okefenokee, with the 11 O'Clock News, this is Jerry Kennedy."
- Jerry Kennedy: Well, I'm flattered.
- Sophia: From the pit of my stomach to the porcelain of the bowl...
- [Dorothy quickly covers Sophia's mouth]
- Jerry Kennedy: [fed up with his mother's meddling] This is my life, I'm a grown man, and I am going to love the woman I want to love whether she meets with your approval or not.
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh-ho, put this man's picture on a can of stew!
- Jerry Kennedy: Blanche, I want to thank you for showing me the light. How can I ever repay you?
- Blanche Devereaux: Hawaii... Big island...