- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Five thousand dollars? We don't have five thousand dollars!
- Mr. Murray: Uncle Sam doesn't like to hear that.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Aunt Dorothy doesn't like saying it!
- Mr. Escobar: ¡Buenos días, señoritas!
- Rose Nylund: ¡Buenos días! ¿Cómo está? ¡Queremos todo tu dinero!
- Mr. Escobar: [raising hands up] Please! Don't hurt me, just take my money!
- Rose Nylund: I'm sorry, I think got my verbs mixed up!
- Stan Zbornak: [bawling] Oh my God, we're going to jail Dorothy!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: That's right, Stanley, and please, let me know where you and Bubba are registered for your china.
- Rose Nylund: Norweigans are notoriously bad at Spanish.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I guess that's why there are no herring tacos.
- Rose Nylund: I can't get my promotion unless I become bilingual.
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh no! Honey don't do that, no job is worth having to date women!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Blanche! Bilingual means someone who speaks more than one language!
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh!
- [laughs]
- Blanche Devereaux: And here I thought it was something sexual.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [about her ring] This means a lot to me. My husband gave it to me after 38 years of marriage.
- Blanche Devereaux: And after 38 years of marriage, he also dumped you for a 23 year-old stewardess with firm thighs and perky breasts!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [to the clerk at the pawn shop] You got yourself a ring, muchacho!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [Stan's carrying a trash bag] Hello Stan, so nice of you to bring garbage.
- Stan Zbornak: This is all of our receipts from five years ago, our entire future is in this bag.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: How appropriate.
- [Dorothy is in dire financial straits following an audit and needs to raise $2500 in a month]
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: ...I'm just gonna have to sell some of my stuff.
- Sophia Petrillo: Hold it! No daughter of mine is "Selling her stuff". It's immoral. It's a sin. And let's face it Dorothy, lately you can't give it away!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Ma, I'm talking about selling some of my belongings!
- Stan Zbornak: They could put us in jail!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Good! I want you to go to jail, and I want a big bald inmate named Bubba to pick you for his girlfriend!
- Stan Zbornak: Hello Sophia, you're looking younger everyday.
- Sophia Petrillo: Hello Stan, that's a beautiful tupee.
- Sophia Petrillo: [to Rose and Blanche] See that? Now we're both liars!
- Sophia Petrillo: What's going on in here?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Ma, Stan bought a Corvette without telling me!
- Sophia Petrillo: So what? Your father used to do things without telling me all the time! How do you think I got pregnant with your brother, Phil?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I think I'm gonna cry.
- Blanche Devereaux: No, honey, now, don't do that; your eyes will get all beady and your nose will swell up like Karl Malden's.