- Henry Finnerty: [to Claudia's friends] A tadpole looks like a fish, but it's not a fish. Now, you might think it's a fish because it doesn't have legs, but it will have legs, and then you'll know it's a frog. In the meantime, you'll just have to trust me.
- Claudia Finnerty: This is a bachelorette party. We are not talking about tadpoles.
- Lily Finnerty: [to Claudia] Mom, Faye's kid really stinks.
- Claudia Finnerty: She probably needs her diaper changed.
- Lily Finnerty: Well, yeah. That's what I'm thinking.
- Claudia Finnerty: Change her diaper.
- Lily Finnerty: How about I dump some potpourri down there?
- Walt Finnerty: [to Sean] And I wanted you to have my stool at the Alpine after I passed, but you shot that dream to hell.
- Henry Finnerty: Why are we walking so fast? I want some peanuts and Cracker Jacks.
- Eddie Finnerty: Don't be such a cliche, Henry. That annoys me.
- Claudia Finnerty: Jimmy hates baseball! Ever since he saw "Field of Dreams"!
- Jimmy Finnerty: [In flashback] I hate baseball! It makes me think of ghosts!
- Man #2: [Hurling his beer at Sean] Way to go, idiot! Why didn't you let him catch it?
- Sean Finnerty: But I... I... I didn't mean to! Right, Eddie?
- Eddie Finnerty: Why are you talking to me, man? I don't know you and my name's Maurice.
- Older Woman: Don't smile at me, you bastard! You're the one who cost the Yankees the game, you jerk!
- Claudia Finnerty: Walt, what're you eating?
- Walt Finnerty: Fruit roll-up. They're not bad.
- Claudia Finnerty: Those are edible panties.
- Walt Finnerty: [Unrolls them, flings them down in horror] Oh, dear God! I gotta go to church!
- [Runs out]
- Walt Finnerty: Well, I'm gonna go to the Alpine, see if I have any friends left!
- Claudia Finnerty: Here, Walt. Why don't you take them this cake? it's delicious!
- [Hands him the box containing the rest of the penis-shaped cake]
- Walt Finnerty: Thanks! This oughta put me in good with the fellas!
- Sean Finnerty: Yeah, they're gonna love it!
- Faye: What's going on out there? There are, like, 15 guys out there and they're putting beer cans all over my car.
- Sean Finnerty: Oh, good, they're drinking beer! That means they'll have to leave to use the bathroom!
- Claudia Finnerty: [Looking out the window] Apparently not.