The Honeymooners (TV Series)

A Woman's Work Is Never Done (1955)

Jackie Gleason: Ralph Kramden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ralph Kramden : [Thelma the maid has been introduced to the Kramdens, and her appearance is not what Ralph expected]  *This* is a maid? I thought maids had short skirts with white hats and black silk stockings.

  Alice : Ralph!

  Thelma : [speaking to the agency manager, indicating Ralph]  The chubby one's gonna be trouble.

• [Ralph and Norton are talking about the Kramdens' new maid] 

  Norton : Is she anything like that maid we saw in that burlesque show? Va-va-voom! You know the maid we saw at the burlesque show? Is she like that?

  Ralph : What maid?

  Norton : You remember, the one that helped Lily St. Cyr into the bathtub full of wine.

  Ralph : Oh no, she's not like that maid. She looks more like the one that installed the bathtub.

• Thelma : Okay.

  Ralph : [screaming]  I told you to stop saying "Okay"! It's "Very good, sir"!

  [pointing to Norton and himself] 

  Ralph : This happens to be my guest, and I am your employer!

  Thelma : Hmm, some guest and some employer.

  [pointing to Norton and Ralph in succession] 

  Thelma : The simp and the blimp!

  Ralph : How dare you say that to me!

  Thelma : I quit!

• Ralph : I'll call her what I used to call her before we were married.

  Norton : What's that?

  Ralph : Little Buttercup. Wait a minute, I didn't call her that; she called *me* that: Little Buttercup.

  Norton : [Norton giggles] 

  Ralph : What's so funny?

  Norton : *She* used to call *you* her little buttercup?

  Ralph : Yeah! What's so funny about that, Norton?

  Norton : You were a little cup of butter; now you're a whole tub of lard!

• Alice : Thelma, what my husband meant was he just wants to explain your duties to you.

  Thelma : Oh, yeah, what I gotta do. And I might as well tell you right now: I can't do no heavy work. I'm sickly.

  Ralph : Sickly? Well, first of all, you'll have to go to the market. Then you'll have to cook, scrub the floors...

  Thelma : I don't scrub no floors!

  Alice : You're so right, Thelma. My husband will be glad to scrub the floors.

  Ralph : Now wait a minute!

  Thelma : You'll scrub the floor!. That's a man's work.

  Ralph : Just a minute. Who's doing the hiring here? All right, Alice, it's all off!

  Alice : Oh, no, Ralph, I'm not giving up my career. So it's either Thelma or you.

  Thelma : And I might as well tell you somethin' else, right now: I get Thursdays and Sundays off, see? My work is through the minute the supper dishes are done. I don't work in no house where they got no pets, so you might as well get rid of one if you got one. If you're gonna have a party, I get time-and-a-half over and the next day off. And, uh, if you're planning on having any late snacks, I don't do no cleaning up the next morning. And this boy looks like he has plenty of late snacks.

• Alice Kramden : Let me tell you something. There's an old, old saying, Ralph: "Man works from sun to sun, but woman's work is never done."

  Ralph Kramden : [snootily]  Good gosh!

  Alice Kramden : I'll tell you why woman's work is never done, Ralph. Because she's got the toughest boss in this whole world: a husband!

• [Alice has insulted Ralph again] 

  Ralph : Just be a little careful, Alice, a little careful. Remember, the life you save may be your own.

• Ralph : [to Thelma]  You can't quit unless I fire you! Remember that!

• Ralph Kramden : Is that a new shade of lipstick you have?

  Alice Kramden : No. I got a promotion today. Now I'm a jelly donut taster.

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, and look at those alabaster hands. How white and pure.

  Alice Kramden : That's powdered sugar.

  Ed Norton : I don't think the flattery is going so good. Why don't you try a left hook.

• Alice : Boy, you men kill me; you're all alike. You push us around. You want us to bow and scrape at your feet. All you do is yell and scream and give orders. You men just think that you *own* this world!

  Ralph : Yeah, but you women get revenge. You marry us!

• Ralph : You just decided for me, Alice. You just decided for me! I'm going on "The $64,000 Question". And do you know why? 'Cause I'm an expert in one of their categories: Aggravation!

• Ralph : Don't start that again, Alice. No wife of mine is gonna work. I got my pride. You know, no Kramden woman has ever supported her husband. The Kramden men are the workers in the family.

  Alice : Wait a minute, Ralph. What about your father? For a long time there he didn't work at all.

  Ralph : But neither did my mother. At least he kept his pride, Alice. He went on relief.

• [Norton has seen the Kramdens' new maid, Thelma] 

  Ralph : What do you think of the maid, Norton?

  Norton : Well, without a doubt, Ralph, you have achieved the height of gracious living. You are one of the 400. In fact, you could be all of the 400.

• Ralph Kramden : What does a woman fall for better than anything else?

  Ed Norton : A left hook.

  Ralph Kramden : No. Flattery.