- Dr. Gregory House: If you're dying, suddenly everybody loves you.
- Dr. James Wilson: You have a cane, nobody even likes you.
- Dr. Gregory House: Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Are you high?
- Dr. Gregory House: If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's Wednesday.
- Dr. Gregory House: [Smugly] You did it, didn't you?
- Dr. Robert Chase: It... it wasn't sick. It was one kiss - for a dying girl.
- [Cameron puts her hands over her mouth and gets a disgusted look on her face. Foreman turns away in disgust]
- Dr. Robert Chase: One small, one small kiss before she - dies. Thank you. Thanks.
- Dr. Gregory House: This is exactly why you can't touch my markers.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cameron] It's written down in my advanced health care directive, should I be incapacitated in any way you run the board, then Foreman. Chase, you're just not ready yet.
- Dr. Robert Chase: If she's never kissed a boy, it's a fair bet she's never had sex.
- Dr. Gregory House: Tell that to all the hookers who won't kiss me on the mouth.
- Dr. Gregory House: And *you* stay away from the patient.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: What'd I do?
- Dr. Gregory House: Oh well, you'd just get all warm and cuddly around the dying girl and insinuate yourself; end up in a custody battle.
- Dr. Gregory House: These cancer kids, you can't put them *all* on a pedestal. It's basic statistics. Some of them have gotta be whiney little fraidy-cats.
- Dr. Gregory House: [talking about 9-year-old cancer patient] She's such a brave girl, I want to see how brave she is when you tell her she's gonna die.
- Dr. James Wilson: [long pause] Go to hell.
- Dr. Gregory House: I'm taking a sick day.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Take some Claritin.
- Dr. Gregory House: Everyone's a doctor suddenly.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [about Andie] You're actually talking about killing her.
- Dr. Gregory House: Just for a little while. I'll bring her right back.
- Dr. Gregory House: Oxygen saturation is 94%, check her heart.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Her oxygen saturation is normal.
- Dr. Gregory House: It's off by one percentage point.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Within range. It's normal.
- Dr. Gregory House: If her DNA was off by one percentage point, she'd be a dolphin.
- Dr. Gregory House: We've got a patient who for no obvious reason is hallucinating. Since it's not obvious, I thought we'd go with subtle.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: It doesn't matter. If her sat percentage is off, that means her blood isn't getting enough oxygen; that's a problem with her lungs, not her heart.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: And a lung problem isn't causing hallucinations.
- Dr. Robert Chase: But the lungs could lead us somewhere that is.
- Dr. Gregory House: Welcome to the end of the thought process.
- Dr. Gregory House: [referring to the bottle Wilson opened] I loosened it.
- Dr. James Wilson: I opened it!
- Dr. Eric Foreman: We could bolt her to the table.
- Dr. Gregory House: Gruesome and low tech. Kiss me, I love it.
- Dr. Gregory House: Nobody wants to die. But you are going to. The question is how. How much you're going to suffer, how long. I'm asking if you want this to be over.
- [saying it for a 9-year-old girl, who has cancer]
- Dr. James Wilson: We can't do exploratory surgery on her brain.
- Dr. Gregory House: Are you sure you're not a neurologist?
- Dr. Gregory House: [a patient gave himself a circumcision] I'm gonna get a plastic surgeon, get the Twinkie back in the wrapper.
- Dr. Gregory House: She's a rock.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: She's brave.
- Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, yeah, yeah...