House M.D. (TV Series)

TB or Not TB (2005)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

Quotes 

• Dr. Gregory House : Nobel invented dynamite. I won't accept his blood money.

• Dr. Gregory House : J'ever notice, how all the self-sacrificing women in history, Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa... can't think of any others, they all die alone? The men, on the other hand, get so much fuzz it's crazy.

  Dr. James Wilson : It's an unfair world.

• Dr. Gregory House : There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends, and there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function.

• Dr. Gregory House : Welcome aboard the good ship Asskisser. Nice day for a sail! Pucker up, me 'earties!

• Dr. Gregory House : Bizarre is good.

• Dr. Gregory House : [about Dr. Charles]  The nameless poor have a face, and it's a pompous white man.

• Dr. Eric Foreman : What's the emergency?

  Dr. Gregory House : [holding a yo-yo]  I can't remember how to do walk the dog.

• Dr. Gregory House : [answering Newsweek's phone call about Dr. Charles' condition]  In my opinion, Dr. Sebastian Charles is an idiot! Yeah, you can quote me... C-U-D-D-Y.

• Dr. Gregory House : [about Dr. Sebastian Charles]  Everybody does it. We are who people *think* we are. People think he's a great doctor so they give him stuff.

  Dr. Cameron : He *is* a great doctor.

  Dr. Gregory House : The reality is irrelevant.

• [last lines] 

  Dr. Gregory House : [looking down at Dr. Charles, who's leaving the hospital]  It's not about the kids dying every eight seconds, it's about the media stroking. Adulation and pats on the head.

  Dr. James Wilson : That's your problem with him, isn't it?

  Dr. Gregory House : Look at him - loves it, eats it up.

  Dr. James Wilson : Yeah, the man actually enjoys what he does.

  Dr. Gregory House : Listen, *I* saved his life. That means I get credit for every life *he* saves from here on out.

  Dr. James Wilson : I'll make sure Stockholm knows.

• Dr. James Wilson : He cures thousands of people every year. You cure... what, 30?

  Dr. Gregory House : McDonalds' makes a better hamburger than your mother because they make more?

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Is there nobody you admire?

  Dr. Gregory House : Well, there was this gal I met in 'Nam who could blow out a candle without using...

• Dr. James Wilson : [discussing Dr. Charles]  You're just mad because he's closer to a Nobel Prize than you are.

  Dr. Gregory House : And yet I've nailed more Swedish babes... crazy, crazy world.

• Dr. Gregory House : So you're not special, but TB is?

• Dr. Gregory House : [snapping the number of times a person dies of TB]  Sure they're dying, but it's got a great beat.

• Dr. Gregory House : [referring to Cameron]  She asked, looking clever.

• Dr. Gregory House : [Sebastian is refusing treatment]  You are not the same as them. Your life is not the same, and you are cheapening everything they're going through by pretending you are.

• Dr. Gregory House : [pointing at Dr. Sebastian Charles, who was just revived out of a cardiac arrest]  That is NOT TB!

  Dr. James Wilson : Compelling television.

• Dr. Gregory House : Because now he's got the big red target on his arm, the stubborn jerk thinks he's right, he won't let us do any more tests.

  Dr. Cameron : Or maybe he's not the only stubborn jerk!

• Dr. Gregory House : You're right. We've got to treat the TB.

  Dr. Cameron : Who knows? Maybe he's just... get better.

  Dr. Gregory House : You'd like that, wouldn't you?