Inside the Actors Studio (TV Series)

The Simpsons (2003)

James Lipton: Self - Host

Quotes 

• James Lipton - Host : [talking to Nancy doing Bart]  You seem to like calling Moe's Tavern.

  [Nancy smirks at Hank] 

  James Lipton - Host : Do you recall any of the more popular names that you and Lisa have used in those phone calls?

  Hank Azaria : [as Moe]  Wait a minute, that was you?

  [audience laughter] 

  Nancy Cartwright : I'll just give him a call. Hello? Ring a ding ding.

  Hank Azaria : Yeah, Moe's Tavern. What?

  Nancy Cartwright : Yeah, I'm looking for a fellow. Last name "Sexual," first name "Homer."

  Hank Azaria : Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is there a Homer Sexual here?

  [audience laughter] 

  Hank Azaria : Hey, what? Oh, that little...

  James Lipton - Host : [laughing]  You never fail at that, do you, Bart?

  Nancy Cartwright : Wait a second, hold on. Redial. Hello? Ring a ding ding.

  Hank Azaria : [improvising wildly]  Yes, Moe's Tavern, home of the world's smallest large screen TV.

  [audience laughter] 

• James Lipton - Host : Mr. Burns?

  Harry Shearer : [as Mr. Burns]  Yes?

  James Lipton - Host : What is your occupation?

  Harry Shearer : Mogul.

  [audience laughter] 

  James Lipton - Host : Tell me, if you will, how you feel about your employee, Homer Simpson.

  Harry Shearer : Who?

  [audience laughter] 

  James Lipton - Host : Homer Simpson. You know, the guy who falls asleep at the safety desk?

  Harry Shearer : [as Smithers]  He's, uh, one of your drones in sector 7-G, sir.

  [quickly switching back to Burns] 

  Harry Shearer : Oh, yes!

• James Lipton - Host : [about Harry's college years]  What did you study there?

  Harry Shearer : Political science. But the real answer to your question is "as little as possible."

  [audience laughter] 

• James Lipton - Host : In the past two decades, very few movies have made me laugh as hard as "This is Spinal Tap."

  [audience cheers and applause] 

  James Lipton - Host : Who wrote that movie?

  Harry Shearer : Uh, the answer to that question is every actor who appears in it wrote that movie.

  James Lipton - Host : Who wrote the songs?

  Harry Shearer : We all did.

  James Lipton - Host : You did.

  Harry Shearer : Yes.

  James Lipton - Host : Music and words?

  Harry Shearer : Music and words.

• James Lipton - Host : Rough estimate, how many times have you said "drinks on the house"?

  Hank Azaria : [as Moe]  Approximately... never.

  [audience laughter] 

• Julie Kavner : [as Marge]  I have more than one G-spot.

  James Lipton - Host : [laughing]  Really? And where might the other one be?

  Dan Castellaneta : [as Homer]  Yeah, Marge, tell me!

  [audience laughter] 

• James Lipton - Host : Apu?

  Hank Azaria : [as Apu]  What is it?

  [audience laughter] 

  James Lipton - Host : I haven't the courage even to try and pronounce your last name. Would you say it for me?

  Hank Azaria : Everyone has such difficulty with this, and I don't understand it. It is "Nahasapeemapetilon". It sounds exactly the way it is spelled.

  [audience laughter] 

  James Lipton - Host : What is your country of origin?

  Hank Azaria : I am from India.

  James Lipton - Host : Aha. And your immigration status?

  Hank Azaria : I believe I was a semi-legal alien.

  James Lipton - Host : [laughing]  Semi? Semi-legal alien? What is the name of your store?

  Hank Azaria : It is the Kwik-E-Mart.

  James Lipton - Host : That makes it sound like a convenience store. How do you make it truly convenient for your customers?

  Hank Azaria : I keep the beer next to the salty snacks, and things like this. There is really an art. There is an art, James.

  James Lipton - Host : Oh, yeah. I know that convenience stores can be either inexpensive or expensive, because of the convenience. Let's take a little poll here. How much is a twenty-nine cent stamp at the Kwik-E-Mart?

  Hank Azaria : A twenty-nine cent stamp, I believe, is... a dollar eighty-nine.

  [audience laughter] 

  James Lipton - Host : How much would two dollars worth of gas be?

  Hank Azaria : That's four twenty.

  [audience laughter] 

  James Lipton - Host : Four twenty.

  Hank Azaria : Yeah.

  James Lipton - Host : And tell me, how much is the penny candy?

  Hank Azaria : Surprisingly expensive.

  [audience laughter] 

• James Lipton - Host : Moe?

  Hank Azaria : [as Moe]  Yeah, what?

  James Lipton - Host : I have never been privileged to have any Duff beer. Does it come in a variety of...?

  Hank Azaria : Yeah, there's a lot of Duff beer. There's Duff, there's Duff Lite, there's Duff Dark, there's Duff Dry, uh, there's raspberry Duff, there's tartar control Duff.

  James Lipton - Host : Really?

• James Lipton - Host : As a Simpson character on one wonderful, brief occasion, I am proud of my cartoon ethnicity. Can someone tell me how the Simpsons characters became yellow?

  Yeardley Smith : I can.

  James Lipton - Host : Please.

  Yeardley Smith : Matt apparently thought it would be really funny if, when people watch "The Simpsons", they thought maybe the color on their TV was off.

  [audience laughter] 

  Yeardley Smith : So, and that they were trying to get the flesh tone on the Simpsons. But they just couldn't. "They're still yellow. What's going on?"

  James Lipton - Host : Why did I, why does every cartoon character have only three fingers?

  Hank Azaria : That's animation tradition.

  Nancy Cartwright : It's because it's cheaper.

  [audience laughter] 

  James Lipton - Host : Well, just think over the years how many millions of dollars have been saved by not putting in that pinkie.

  Nancy Cartwright : That's it. It's time. Seriously.

  James Lipton - Host : Why does everybody on the show have an overbite?

  Hank Azaria : That's a Groening-esque art thing.

  James Lipton - Host : That was Groening?

  Yeardley Smith , Hank Azaria , Nancy Cartwright , Dan Castellaneta : Yeah.

  Dan Castellaneta : He says it's a world without chins.

  [audience laughter]