- James Lipton - Host: [talking to Nancy doing Bart] You seem to like calling Moe's Tavern.
- [Nancy smirks at Hank]
- James Lipton - Host: Do you recall any of the more popular names that you and Lisa have used in those phone calls?
- Hank Azaria: [as Moe] Wait a minute, that was you?
- [audience laughter]
- Nancy Cartwright: I'll just give him a call. Hello? Ring a ding ding.
- Hank Azaria: Yeah, Moe's Tavern. What?
- Nancy Cartwright: Yeah, I'm looking for a fellow. Last name "Sexual," first name "Homer."
- Hank Azaria: Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is there a Homer Sexual here?
- [audience laughter]
- Hank Azaria: Hey, what? Oh, that little...
- James Lipton - Host: [laughing] You never fail at that, do you, Bart?
- Nancy Cartwright: Wait a second, hold on. Redial. Hello? Ring a ding ding.
- Hank Azaria: [improvising wildly] Yes, Moe's Tavern, home of the world's smallest large screen TV.
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: Mr. Burns?
- Harry Shearer: [as Mr. Burns] Yes?
- James Lipton - Host: What is your occupation?
- Harry Shearer: Mogul.
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: Tell me, if you will, how you feel about your employee, Homer Simpson.
- Harry Shearer: Who?
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: Homer Simpson. You know, the guy who falls asleep at the safety desk?
- Harry Shearer: [as Smithers] He's, uh, one of your drones in sector 7-G, sir.
- [quickly switching back to Burns]
- Harry Shearer: Oh, yes!
- James Lipton - Host: [about Harry's college years] What did you study there?
- Harry Shearer: Political science. But the real answer to your question is "as little as possible."
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: In the past two decades, very few movies have made me laugh as hard as "This is Spinal Tap."
- [audience cheers and applause]
- James Lipton - Host: Who wrote that movie?
- Harry Shearer: Uh, the answer to that question is every actor who appears in it wrote that movie.
- James Lipton - Host: Who wrote the songs?
- Harry Shearer: We all did.
- James Lipton - Host: You did.
- Harry Shearer: Yes.
- James Lipton - Host: Music and words?
- Harry Shearer: Music and words.
- James Lipton - Host: Rough estimate, how many times have you said "drinks on the house"?
- Hank Azaria: [as Moe] Approximately... never.
- [audience laughter]
- Julie Kavner: [as Marge] I have more than one G-spot.
- James Lipton - Host: [laughing] Really? And where might the other one be?
- Dan Castellaneta: [as Homer] Yeah, Marge, tell me!
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: Apu?
- Hank Azaria: [as Apu] What is it?
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: I haven't the courage even to try and pronounce your last name. Would you say it for me?
- Hank Azaria: Everyone has such difficulty with this, and I don't understand it. It is "Nahasapeemapetilon". It sounds exactly the way it is spelled.
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: What is your country of origin?
- Hank Azaria: I am from India.
- James Lipton - Host: Aha. And your immigration status?
- Hank Azaria: I believe I was a semi-legal alien.
- James Lipton - Host: [laughing] Semi? Semi-legal alien? What is the name of your store?
- Hank Azaria: It is the Kwik-E-Mart.
- James Lipton - Host: That makes it sound like a convenience store. How do you make it truly convenient for your customers?
- Hank Azaria: I keep the beer next to the salty snacks, and things like this. There is really an art. There is an art, James.
- James Lipton - Host: Oh, yeah. I know that convenience stores can be either inexpensive or expensive, because of the convenience. Let's take a little poll here. How much is a twenty-nine cent stamp at the Kwik-E-Mart?
- Hank Azaria: A twenty-nine cent stamp, I believe, is... a dollar eighty-nine.
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: How much would two dollars worth of gas be?
- Hank Azaria: That's four twenty.
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: Four twenty.
- Hank Azaria: Yeah.
- James Lipton - Host: And tell me, how much is the penny candy?
- Hank Azaria: Surprisingly expensive.
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: Moe?
- Hank Azaria: [as Moe] Yeah, what?
- James Lipton - Host: I have never been privileged to have any Duff beer. Does it come in a variety of...?
- Hank Azaria: Yeah, there's a lot of Duff beer. There's Duff, there's Duff Lite, there's Duff Dark, there's Duff Dry, uh, there's raspberry Duff, there's tartar control Duff.
- James Lipton - Host: Really?
- James Lipton - Host: As a Simpson character on one wonderful, brief occasion, I am proud of my cartoon ethnicity. Can someone tell me how the Simpsons characters became yellow?
- Yeardley Smith: I can.
- James Lipton - Host: Please.
- Yeardley Smith: Matt apparently thought it would be really funny if, when people watch "The Simpsons", they thought maybe the color on their TV was off.
- [audience laughter]
- Yeardley Smith: So, and that they were trying to get the flesh tone on the Simpsons. But they just couldn't. "They're still yellow. What's going on?"
- James Lipton - Host: Why did I, why does every cartoon character have only three fingers?
- Hank Azaria: That's animation tradition.
- Nancy Cartwright: It's because it's cheaper.
- [audience laughter]
- James Lipton - Host: Well, just think over the years how many millions of dollars have been saved by not putting in that pinkie.
- Nancy Cartwright: That's it. It's time. Seriously.
- James Lipton - Host: Why does everybody on the show have an overbite?
- Hank Azaria: That's a Groening-esque art thing.
- James Lipton - Host: That was Groening?
- Yeardley Smith, Hank Azaria, Nancy Cartwright, Dan Castellaneta: Yeah.
- Dan Castellaneta: He says it's a world without chins.
- [audience laughter]