- Kevin Liotta: In what year did the Spanish-American War began?
- Dennis Finch: Wait a minute. That's a trick question. Spain would never mess with us. We'd kick their asses. Am I right, dude?
- Maya Gallo: You took this picture?
- Elliot DiMauro: Yes, I did.
- Maya Gallo: It's called "Self Portrait."
- Elliot DiMauro: Yes. That's how I see myself.
- Maya Gallo: As a man named Mark Krendall?
- Elliot DiMauro: Yes. I see myself as Mark Krendall. Aren't we all Mark Krendalls inside?
- Mark Krendall: Hello, I'm Mark Krendall.
- Elliot DiMauro: See, Maya? This guy gets it.
- [Maya is about to pose nude for Elliot]
- Maya Gallo: I feel weird doing this.
- Elliot DiMauro: Maya, I'm a professional. Just think of me as a doctor. A doctor who took baths with you.
- Nina Van Horn: You have no choice. Either use this picture and let the world know that you're an artist, or use this one and let the world know that your grandma is Merle Haggard.
- Nina Van Horn: You don't know the first thing about throwing a hissy fit. You should be flying off the handle. You should be breaking stuff. You should be waking up the next morning smelling of gasoline and saying, "What the hell did I do?"
- Jack Gallo: Let me ask you this. Where do you see yourself in ten years?
- Dennis Finch: Standing out there.
- Jack Gallo: Twenty years?
- Dennis Finch: Out there.
- Jack Gallo: Thirty years? Forty years? Fifty years?
- Dennis Finch: Out there, out there, buried next to you in the Gallo family tomb.
- Nina Van Horn: So you gave him wine.
- Maya Gallo: Wine laced with some cat tranquilizer.
- Nina Van Horn: You didn't!
- Maya Gallo: He's not the only one who can take naked pictures. Here.
- Nina Van Horn: Is that a flower coming out of...
- Maya Gallo: I used gardening gloves.
- Nina Van Horn: Maya, I am more proud of you now than I have ever been before.
- Jack Gallo: Why am I spending all this money on your college education? I thought you were going to buckle down and study for this exam.
- Dennis Finch: I'm trying! But when I study, it's like I'm teaching myself - and I'm an idiot. I'm being taught by an idiot.