Just Shoot Me! (TV Series)

King Lear Jet (1997)

David Spade: Dennis Finch

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nina Van Horn : I always hated Shakespeare in high school.

  Dennis Finch : Why, did he write something mean in your yearbook?

• Jack Gallo : [looking at a photo]  Uh-oh, nipple.

  Dennis Finch : Really? Give it! I see, there's Waldo. Good eye, chief.

  Elliot DiMauro : Let me see. Oh, yeah, turkey's done.

  Maya Gallo : Hopefully, this concludes Mutual of Omaha's Nipple Safari.

  Elliot DiMauro : Oh, Maya. I forgot you were still here.

  Maya Gallo : Well, it was my fault for wearing a shirt.

• Dennis Finch : Carmen.

  Carmen Electra : Finch.

  Dennis Finch : [offers a hug]  What, no hug?

  Carmen Electra : Finch, I already hugged you twenty minutes ago in the lobby.

  Dennis Finch : Oh, right. I forgot. Forgive me?

  [they hug] 

  Elliot DiMauro : Mr. Finch, please don't squeeze the Carmen.

• Dennis Finch : Ah, I see Carmen Electra made the cover.

  Elliot DiMauro : Yeah - great shot, isn't it? Notice how I made her sexuality leap off the page.

  Dennis Finch : Oh, yeah - you're a genius. You took a picture of one of the hottest women in the world and somehow made her look beautiful. What's your secret - are you using some kind of film?

• [discussing Elliott's cover shot of Carmen Electra] 

  Elliot DiMauro : I can't wait to show it to her.

  Dennis Finch : She's just gonna turn you down again, pal.

  Elliot DiMauro : Nobody says no to Elliott DiMauro... fifty-three times.

  [sighs] 

  Dennis Finch : Yeah, there's a fine between courting and stalking. A Connecticut judge once spelled it out for me.

• Elliot DiMauro : Carmen loves me. She just doesn't know how to express it.

  Dennis Finch : Yeah. That's it. She can't express it. Maybe this is what she's thinking.

  [tears the picture of Carmen Electra off the cover, tears a hole where her lips are, and puts it in front of his face, the mouth going on the hole] 

  Dennis Finch : Oh, Elliot. I'm Carmen Electra from TV's Baywatch. Get lost, you pasty freak. I wouldn't even let my stunt double give you mouth-to-mouth.

  Elliot DiMauro : That's cute. But this is what she's really thinking.

  [takes the photo and puts it to his face] 

  Elliot DiMauro : Oh, Elliot. Not only are you a genius, but you are the sexiest guy on the beach. I'd like to run in slow motion towards you and climb your lifeguard tower. Oh, help me! The riptide's got me! I'm going down! I'm going down!

  Carmen Electra : Elliot, are you through?

  Elliot DiMauro : Carmen.

  Dennis Finch : Care to make it 54?

• Jack Gallo : Does anyone else mind if I call Maya peanut?

  Dennis Finch : You should hear what we call her.

• Jack Gallo : [his electronic door is acting up]  Dennis!

  Dennis Finch : What?

  Jack Gallo : I can't get the door to stop doing that thing! Is someone using the microwave?

  Dennis Finch : Yeah. Baxter is making a baked potato.

  Jack Gallo : Get in here and help me!

  Dennis Finch : Are you wasted? I'm not going anywhere near that thing. It's like a John Carpenter movie.

• Dennis Finch : Oh, you hate to see this.

  Maya Gallo : What?

  Dennis Finch : You're the only woman in here. That kind of boy-girl ratio does not favor the Finch.

• Dennis Finch : Jack, that was Ally. Something about King Lear.

  Maya Gallo : King Lear?

  Dennis Finch : You know, to snore or not to snore?