- Tess: This kinda rocks.
- Nina Van Horn: Yes it does. You know what would make it rock even more?
- Tess: Prescription back medication?
- Nina Van Horn: That's it, I'm gonna cry.
- Nina Van Horn: This is great. None of us is getting exactly what they want, and we all resent each other a little, just like a real family.
- Jack Gallo: I need help deciding what to give Maya for her birthday.
- Elliot DiMauro: You know what I give my grandma? A book of coupons. She can use it for things like lunches, checker dates, and free back rubs.
- Jack Gallo: How about instead of creepy grandma dollars, I just give her regular American dollars?
- Elliot DiMauro: You're judging me, aren't you?
- Jack Gallo: You rub your grandma.
- Nina Van Horn: Okay, I'm in a hotel room floor, I'm fully clothed and there are no empty orange vials.
- [whistles]
- Nina Van Horn: This is a stumper.
- Tess: You publish this magazine?
- Dennis Finch: When I'm not jumping my motorcycle over shark tanks.
- [makes motorcycle noises]
- Tess: You're dangerous. I like that.
- Dennis Finch: Yeah, well, sometimes I dump a bucket of poison over my head just for laughs. Whatever.
- Elliot DiMauro: You know what I'm not going to do with this money? Spend it on my grammy.
- Jack Gallo: Yes, you will.
- Elliot DiMauro: She's got a hold on me, Jack.
- Nina Van Horn: I don't want anyone to know I'm a grandmother, so if anyone asks, you're a temp.
- Tess: How about a model?
- Nina Van Horn: Good, just be sure to dumb down your vocabulary.
- Tess: Okay.
- Nina Van Horn: Dumber.
- Tess: Huh?
- Nina Van Horn: There you go.
- Tess: Here's your drink, grandma.
- Nina Van Horn: You're a sweet child, but if you call me that again, I'm going to have to take a swing at you.
- Nina Van Horn: Ah, you scored your first free drink in the big city. I'd better check it for poison.
- [takes a sip]
- Nina Van Horn: Inconclusive. Further tests may be required.
- Maya Gallo: I wish you two would lay off this birthday stuff.
- Elliot DiMauro: I think I know what this is about, Maya. Thirty five is a hard birthday. When I turned thirty five, I ate and cried and ate and cried and ate and cried...
- Maya Gallo: My birthday is five months from now.
- Elliot DiMauro: That can't be right.
- Maya Gallo: Remember seven months ago when you proposed to me on my birthday and then you fainted and ruined my birthday? That was my birthday.
- Elliot DiMauro: Oh, yeah.
- Elliot DiMauro: Just be grateful you're still thirty-four and not thirty-eight, like me. Wow. Thirty-eight.
- [picks up a donut]
- Elliot DiMauro: Hello, old friend.
- Dennis Finch: Maybe later I'll show you the somerpepper. It's like the somersault, but... you'll see.
- Nina Van Horn: Tess, you want to go places, try new things, and that's great. I did it at your age. But you have to draw the line somewhere, and this...
- [points at Dennis]
- Nina Van Horn: This is the line.