- [Brackman has just collapsed at his court claims desk]
- Bailiff Alton: Heart attack! Just be cool everyone! Stand back. I'm gonna have to give this man mouth-to-mouth...
- Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [weakly] No! No bodily fluids!
- [at the firm's annual Christmas party]
- Elizabeth Brand: What a farce. All year long these lawyers treat us like schnauzers. And then once a year, they expect us to cheer up and sing Christmas carols.
- Hilda Brunschwager: How can they even think to have a party with Mr. Brackman in the hospital?
- Elizabeth Brand: Oh, Hilda. You think they care? They don't care.