- Harriet Oleson: Well don't look at me. It's not my fault! I was never married before.
- Nels Oleson: Of course not! What other idiot would have married you?
- Harriet Oleson: Thank God we still have the store.
- Nels Oleson: Not we, Harriet. I still have the store. Remember?
- Harriet Oleson: Nels, you can't mean...
- Nels Oleson: I can. And I certainly do. Well, you're the one that laid down that law.
- Harriet Oleson: [Cries] But how am I going to pay my bills?
- Nels Oleson: You figure it out. That's what comes of buying all this nonsense on credit. Piano, jewelry, crystal... You said you can pay it all yourself. Well, now you can do it.
- Harriet Oleson: But how?
- Nels Oleson: Get a job.
- Harriet Oleson: Get a job? Where?
- Nels Oleson: That's a very good question, Harriet.
- Harriet Oleson: I swear, I will never understand that woman as long as I live! It's one thing to be poor, but it's another thing to admit it.
- Nellie Oleson: Well, the poor are ignorant, Mother. That's why they never amount to anything.
- Harriet Oleson: How true, how true! Thank heavens we're rich!
- Nellie Oleson: Amen.
- First Technician: He's gonna test the line.
- Harriet Oleson: Oh!
- First Technician: [switchboard buzzes] There you go.
- Harriet Oleson: [shouting] WALNUT GROVE!
- Lineman: [yells, falling off the telephone pole]
- Harriet Oleson: [angrily] Why did you scream at me?
- Lineman: [regaining his balance] That's a little loud, lady.
- First Technician: Just speak in a normal, clear voice.
- Harriet Oleson: [lowering her voice] Wa...
- [pauses, hearing her own voice going through the phone line]
- Harriet Oleson: Walnut Grove!
- Lineman: That's better, ma'am. How am I coming?
- Harriet Oleson: [excitedly] Yes! Uh... just fine. Just fine!
- Lineman: Then I guess you're all set.
- Dr. Hiram Baker: [entering the bank] Afternoon, Bill.
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Hello, Doc.
- Dr. Hiram Baker: [referring to Mr. Anderson's newly-installed telephone] So, you're the first to get one of those contraptions, huh?
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Yeah. I expect it'll improve business.
- Dr. Hiram Baker: Mine too. Folks won't be so shy about calling me out at two in the morning when it's made so easy.
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Oh, you're getting one then, huh?
- Dr. Hiram Baker: Yeah, tomorrow. Being a doctor, I can't see my way around it.
- Mr. Bill Anderson: [laughs] Well, what can I do for you, Doc?
- Dr. Hiram Baker: Well, uh, Jonathan was telling me how much you made selling off that pharmaceutical stock you inherited.
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Yeah, I did indeed. An excellent profit!
- Dr. Hiram Baker: Uh-huh. Well, I was thinking, if it's all that good, maybe I should buy in.
- Mr. Bill Anderson: [chuckles]
- Dr. Hiram Baker: Did I say something funny?
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Oh, not really. I'm certainly glad you brought it up, though; you'd have lost your shirt.
- Dr. Hiram Baker: What do you mean?
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Oh, somebody'll get rich, all right. It just wouldn't be you! Doc, that stock is being manipulated to go up; I warned Jonathan to get out. Anytime now, it's going to crash right through the floor.
- Dr. Hiram Baker: How do you know that?
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Well, in my business, you learn to see the signs.
- [chuckles, pressing a hand to his chest, wincing slightly with discomfort]
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Especially when they're that obvious.
- Dr. Hiram Baker: Oh. Well, thank you for the advice; I'm much obliged.
- Mr. Bill Anderson: Anytime!
- Dr. Hiram Baker: [heading towards the door] When you close up, come on over to my office, and I'll give you something for that heartburn.
- Mr. Bill Anderson: [surprised] How'd you know I had heartburn?
- Dr. Hiram Baker: [smiling slightly] In my business, you learn to see the signs.
- [exits the bank]
- Albert Quinn Ingalls: Hi, Nellie. Whatcha doing?
- Nellie Oleson: Doing? I'm not "doing" anything. What do you want? I'm busy!
- Albert Quinn Ingalls: Well, how can you be busy if you aren't doing nothing?
- Nellie Oleson: I just am, that's all!
- Albert Quinn Ingalls: Well, I won't want to keep you, then. Oh, can you give this to Willie for me? I found it, and I knew he wanted one.
- Nellie Oleson: Yes, just go.
- Albert Quinn Ingalls: There.
- [hands Nellie a small brown rat]
- Nellie Oleson: [shrieks/screams, running away from the switchboard]
- Albert Quinn Ingalls: [laughing] Good job, Herman!