M*A*S*H (TV Series)

5 O'Clock Charlie (1973)

Larry Linville: Maj. Frank Burns

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frank Burns : [indicating first Korean soldier]  You will be platoon leader.

  Korean Soldier : I thought you were the platoon leader.

  Frank Burns : I am, but for purposes of our table of organization, I will be commander.

  [to first Korean soldier] 

  Frank Burns : You will be platoon leader.

  [to second Korean soldier] 

  Frank Burns : You will be squad leader.

  [to third Korean soldier] 

  Frank Burns : And you will be... the squad.

• Frank Burns : How can you just sit there and let yourselves get bombed?

  Trapper : [holding up his martini]  One good bombing deserves another.

• Frank Burns : I want everybody to understand that this is war, and that war is a call to arms!

  [reaches for his sidearm, which has been switched with a stapler] 

  Hawkeye : [raises arms in surrender]  Here's our money, mister. Don't staple us.

• Henry Blake : [on the phone with General Clayton, while reading from a book that's upside down]  While I've got you on the pipe, the suggestion's been made that we could use an oh-four W. W. nug. Yeah, that's right, sir. A nug so that we can, uh, uh - what's a nug sir? Well, a nug is,

  [Frank turns the book over] 

  Henry Blake : uh, a gun, sir. A 40 M. M. gun.

  Trapper : Henry, you gotta be kidding!

  Hawkeye : We definitely do not need a nug.

  Frank Burns : Keep your snoots out of this!

  Trapper : We don't need a gun or a nug.

  Hawkeye : What are you trying to do, get us into the war?

  Trapper : [grabbing the phone]  General, listen, you send a gun up here, and that's gonna draw fire. That won't do our wounded very much good.

  Henry Blake : [taking the phone back]  Give me that!

  Hawkeye : [grabbing the phone]  Get rid of the ammo dump, and we won't need a gun.

  Henry Blake : [taking the phone back]  Do you mind?

  Frank Burns : [grabbing the phone]  The previous suggestion is contraindicated, we need an antiaircraft gun desperately, general.

  Hawkeye : Frank, how would you like a spontaneous nose job?

• Frank Burns : I'm sure General Clayton would send us an anti-aircraft gun.

  Henry Blake : And I'm sure General Clayton is not in the rent a gun business.

• Frank Burns : [Hawkeye, Trapper and Radar are mocking him at the anti-aircraft gun site]  That strikes me funny... not. I think it ill behooves us...

  Hawkeye : "Behooves"? What are we, in the cavalry now?

• Frank Burns : Who put water in my gun?

  Hawkeye : How do you know it's water?

• Frank Burns : Colonel, I insist you do something about these raids!

  Henry Blake : Aw, gimme a break Frank. Get off my back.

  Frank Burns : Well, history certainly repeats itself. Nobody listened to Billy Mitchell either.

  Henry Blake : Who's Billy Mitchell?

  Frank Burns : A General who advocated a strong air force. Gary Cooper played him.

  Henry Blake : Yeah? I thought he played Sgt. York.

  Frank Burns : He, he did but he also play Billy Mitchell, and Lou Gehrig, and he was for a strong air force.

  Henry Blake : Hey, that's pretty surprising for a 1st baseman.