- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Uh-oh. Uh, we may have a little problem here, folks. My head is bleeding. I'm sweating. My pulse feels like it's playing "The Minute Waltz."
- [Sees his reflection in a mirror]
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Oh. Look at him. And I thought *I* was in trouble.