M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Welcome to Korea (1975)
Mike Farrell: Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : [meeting Major Burns for the first time, drunk; he salutes, then breaks up laughing] What say you, Ferret Face?
[collapses, still laughing, on Major Houlihan]
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B.J. : You know, I really can't wait to see the place.
Hawkeye : You can wait. You've heard of a military post? This is a compost. Everything we've got is surplus. The lice are surplus. Only the wounded are new. Supplies are a joke. The tedium is relieved only by the boredom. I can't think of a single reason why we're here, except we're needed. So, pitch in, muddle through, pip pip and the whole schmear. Ours not to reason why, ours not to let 'em die.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : They shoot at doctors?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Doctors, lawyers, anything, any movement.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : [bullets hitting jeep] I think I just had one.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : [speeding down the road] I lost my hat!
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : [no response] I lost my hat!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Your cookies will be next.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : [shakes head] He's had it.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Well, let's try!
[turns soldier over. Takes one look, puts soldier down, crawls short distance, and vomits]
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Radar : Hey! Hey! Wait a minute! I can't go in there!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Pish Tosh!
Radar : Aw, c'mon. I'm just a corporal!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Do you think that kept Hitler out of the Officer's Club?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : I really wouldn't want to get him into any trouble.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : No problem. Just let me have some of your costume jewelry.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Uh, I've had only five weeks of indoctrination. Is this what they call a field promotion?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : For being brave and nearsighted above and beyond the call.
Radar : Losing a Jeep. Impersonating an officer. All in two hours. If I get in trouble, my mother will kill me!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : What are mothers for?
Radar : Hey! What about my stripes?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Radar, you've heard of lieutenant-generals? Sergeant-majors? You are now a corporal-captain.
[salutes]
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Radar : [under his breath] Hawk!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Huh?
Radar : [under his breath] He's coming over here!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Play hard to get.
Radar : Don't horse around!
Colonel : Boys.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Sir.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Colonel.
Colonel : You all know this is an Officer's Club, don't you?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : I'm a Captain, Plain Clothes Division.
Colonel : Uh huh. Corporal Stripes and Captains Bars?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : That's a new directive from the Pentagon. That's right out of G2 and G3 making a G5 Combined Officers Op-Tech Glitch. We're experimenting with a new rank: Corporal-Captain. We're down here taking a survey, to see, uh, you know, if everybody likes it, uh, asking everybody in Seoul.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Coleman Hawkins, right?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Right.
Colonel : Well, I don't like it. I don't like it at all!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : [to BJ] Uh, put down one "No;" one "Against."
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Right. One "Negative; Corporal-Captain."
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Thank you, Colonel. We really appreciate your help in this.
Colonel : No, Sir! I don't like it at all!
Radar : He doesn't like it at all.