- Trapper: You're gonna kill yourself.
- Col. Flagg: If I have to.
- Trapper: Hey, that's the spirit.
- Hawkeye: Yeah, if we had more men like you, we'd have less men like you.
- Klinger: Halt! Who goes there?
- Henry: Out of the way, Klinger.
- Klinger: I've got to have the password, Colonel.
- Henry: Bull feathers!
- Klinger: That was last week's password.
- Henry: I don't remember the damn password!
- Klinger: Then I can't let you pass, sir.
- Henry: Klinger.
- Klinger: Sir?
- Henry: If I don't get to the latrine, something's going to happen that hasn't happened since I was six. If that happens, Corporal, you'll be in the army until you're a little old whatever-you-are, in correction shoes and support stockings. Now blow!
- Klinger: Yes, sir!
- Col. Flagg: Congratulations. I've decided not to have you guys thrown out of the army.
- Hawkeye: That's really hitting below the belt.
- Col. Flagg: [Flagg is undercover as a rabbi] I'm not Flagg. I'm Captain Goldberg.
- Hawkeye: Sorry, Rabbi Goldberg.
- Hawkeye: [Hawkeye picks up a drink] L'chaim.
- Col. Flagg: What's that mean?
- Hawkeye: Bottoms up, from right to left.
- Col. Flagg: I am leaving tomorrow - with the penicillin!
- Hawkeye: Over my dead body!
- [Col. Flagg stares viciously at Hawkeye]
- Hawkeye: Let me put that another way...
- Col. Flagg: [flipping open his litle book] Pierce and Mclntyre. Uh-huh. Oh, yes.
- Henry: Red marks next to their names?
- Col. Flagg: Unfriendlies.
- Henry: Yellow next to mine?
- Col. Flagg: Work on it.