Mama's Family (TV Series)

Farewell, Frannie (1986)

Ken Berry: Vinton Harper

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Quotes 

• Thelma 'Mama' Harper : No Buzz and Sonia. No Ellen. No Don and Lorraine. No Ed and Eunice. Poor Frannie. She deserves better than a no-show funeral. Especially after the humiliating way she died.

  Vinton Harper : Then you were there when she passed?

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Oh yes.

  Vinton Harper : Did she die at home?

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : No.

  Vinton Harper : Did she die at the hospital?

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Not exactly.

  Naomi Oates Harper : Well then, where exactly?

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Well, what difference does it make? She's just as dead as if she died at home, or at the hospital, or... in the ladies' room at the Bigger Jigger.

  Vinton Harper : The ladies' room?

  Naomi Oates Harper : At the Bigger Jigger?

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : It was all my fault. Frannie and I went over there for their All You Can Eat special.

  Vinton Harper : Don't feel bad, Mama. That all-you-can-eat is hard to resist.

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : I had the catfish special, and Frannie had a cold roast beef sandwich. Well, with her very first bite, she got this string of roast beef stuck between her teeth. She tried pulling at it, that didn't work. She tried flicking it with her tongue, wouldn't budge. She tried using the corner of a matchbook, but that just made it worse, and to tell you the truth, it was starting to make me a little sick. So she excused herself, grabbed a toothpick off the bar and went into the ladies' room. Well, she was in there for an eternity, it seemed. I guess I put away about 3 of them catfish and my beer had begun to hit me. So I thought I'd have a little fun with her.

  Naomi Oates Harper : Fun?

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Yeah. See, what I did was, I cut the tail off my catfish, and I stuck it between my teeth, you know, like a little joke. And I burst into the ladies' room and said "Just be glad you didn't order fish!"

  Vinton Harper : Did she laugh?

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : I'd like to think she would have! But she had that dang toothpick in her mouth, and she made a big gasp and inhaled that sucker!

  Naomi Oates Harper : Good grief.

  Thelma 'Mama' Harper : She started coughing, and she locked herself into the bathroom stall and she never came out! The doctor said she never knew what hit her. But I think when you choke on a toothpick, you can't help but know.