- Lou Grant: Lucky more people weren't hurt. Lucky that elephant didn't go after somebody else.
- Murray Slaughter: That's right. After all, you know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut.
- Mary Richards: All right, just forget what he was wearing. Suppose he hadn't been dressed as a peanut, would his death still be funny?
- Murray Slaughter: Could have been worse. He could have gone as Billy Banana and had a gorilla peel him to death!
- Lou Grant: Chuckles the Clown is dead. It was a freak accident. He went to the parade dressed as Peter Peanut, and a rogue elephant tried to shell him.
- Ted Baxter: [ad-libbing an on-air obituary] Ladies and gentlemen, sad news. One of our most beloved entertainers, and close personal friend of mine, is dead. Chuckles the Clown died today from - from uh - he died a broken man. Chuckles, uh, leaves a wife. At least I assume he was married, he didn't seem like the other kind. I don't know his age, but I guess he was probably in his early sixties; it's kind of hard to judge a guy's face especially when he's wearing big lips and a light bulb for a nose. But he had his whole life in front of him, except for the sixty some odd years he already lived. I remember, Chuckles used to recite a poem at the end of each program. It was called "The Credo of the Clown," and I'd like to offer it now in his memory - "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants." That's what it's all about, folks, that's what he stood for, that's what gave his life meaning. Chuckles liked to make people laugh. You know what I'd like to think, I'd like to think that somewhere, up there tonight, in his honor, a choir of angels is sitting on whoopee cushions.
- Ted Baxter: You saved my life, Lou. You saved my life.
- Lou Grant: Please, Ted, I feel bad enough today.
- Mary Richards: And then at the end of the show, he'd turn his little back to the camera, bend over, on his bloomers were written, "The End".
- Murray Slaughter: Maybe they should bury him that way.
- Georgette Franklin: Why do people always send flowers when someone passes on?
- Sue Ann Nivens: What would you suggest, dear - fruit?
- Lou Grant: I don't want anybody to make any fuss. When I go, I just want to be stood outside in the garbage with my hat on.
- Ted Baxter: Nothing can spoil my day now that I'm going to be Grand Marshal of the circus parade.
- Lou Grant: Forget it, Ted, you aren't.
- Ted Baxter: What?
- Lou Grant: I said, forget it. My anchorman isn't marching down the street with a chimp. It tends to give him an undignified image.
- Ted Baxter: Oh, Lou... it won't give me an undignified image!
- Lou Grant: I was talking about the chimp.
- Reverend Burns: Remember how, when his arch-rival, Señor Kaboom hit him with a giant cucumber and knocked him down? Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo would always pick himself up, dust himself off, and say, "I hurt my foo-foo".
- Ted Baxter: The grand marshal of a circus - a clown? I hate to say this, but I hope they laugh at him.
- Ted Baxter: The circus is in town, and they want me.
- Murray Slaughter: Oh, terrific, Ted. Do you have to bring your own shovel?
- Mary Richards: He respects you as a mature adult.
- Ted Baxter: Then why won't he let me go to the circus?
- Lou Grant: [Surveying the mourners at Chuckles the Clown's funeral] Not much of a crowd is it.
- Ted Baxter: No. If this were my funeral it'd be packed.
- Murray Slaughter: That's right Ted. Just a matter of giving the public what they want.