The Mary Tyler Moore Show (TV Series)

The Critic (1977)

Gavin MacLeod: Murray Slaughter

Quotes 

• Murray Slaughter : [Murray walks up to introduce himself, and Ted, to Professor Heller at the cocktail party]  Professor, uh, I'm Murray Slaughter,

  [shakes the professor's hand] 

  Murray Slaughter : I've enjoyed your writing

  Karl Heller : Thank you, thank you. I'd rather you hadn't. What we enjoy, we forget. What irritates stays with us.

  Murray Slaughter : That reminds me; do you know Ted Baxter?

• Murray Slaughter : I'm a movie buff, myself. I love to watch them on television.

  Karl Heller : That's where they belong

  Murray Slaughter : Come on, you must like some movies.

  Karl Heller : Well, it is best which seldom is. A film can be powerful. There was one absolutely first-rate Ukrainian film at the last festival. It was called; Blood On A Dog's Face. It was about deformity.

  Murray Slaughter : Oh, boy.

  [Murray starts to look queasy] 

  Karl Heller : But, somehow the subtitles missed all the whimsy.

• Ted Baxter : Tonight, our critic-at-large turns his attention to the TV scene. Karl.

  Murray Slaughter : [Mary and Murray in the newsroom, watching on Murray's TV]  Well, I wonder who Jack-The-Ripper will attack tonight.

  Karl Heller : I think it is only fair that we apply the same critical standards to television that we do to anything else.

  Ted Baxter : Very sound thinking.

  Karl Heller : [Without looking at Ted]  Thank you.I think our first task out to be to putter own house in order.

  Ted Baxter : Call them the way you see them, Karl. Let the' chiperinos' fall where they may.

  [Smiles] 

  Karl Heller : What you're watching at this very moment is a classic example of what's wrong with television in this town.

  [Though Ted's smiling at Karl, he has no clue what Karl meant] 

  Karl Heller : It is the pursuit of personality at the expense of competence.

  Ted Baxter : [All serious-faced]  I'm not sure I understand.

  Karl Heller : [Not even looking at Ted]  I'm sure you don't.

  [Ted nervously looks off-camera] 

  Karl Heller : Let's face I; WJM is the biggest offender in that regard. From the dowdy frumpy of The Happy Homemaker Show, to the bumbling, foot-in-the-mouth delivery of a certain anchorman

  [Ted -utterly confused - slowly tuns his gaze off-camera to see if anyone knows what Karl's talking about] 

  Karl Heller : And backing them up, right down the line

  [Murray shakes his head, as Mary looks on in disbelief] 

  Karl Heller : are dull writing, inept staging, and high school production methods.

  [Murray looks mad, and Mary looks mad, as well] 

  Karl Heller : Well, there you are; the emperor has no clothes

  [Ted looks too see if he's wearing clothes, then again, looks off-camera, confused] 

  Karl Heller : Tomorrow, we shall look at some other stations in town, and see if they fair any better. Meanwhile this is Karl Heller saying; let the viewer beware.

  Mary Richards : [Murray turns the TV off]  'High school production methods?'

  Murray Slaughter : 'Dull writing.' Buy, he didn't miss anybody, did he?

  Lou Grant : [Lou's door opens, and he slams his door, and walks to Murray]  Murray; be a good guy, and go buy me a gun.

  [Lou pulls out a wad of cash, and hands it to Murray] 

• Murray Slaughter : That guy's a pain in the neck.

  Lou Grant : I have an even lower opinion of him.