Maude (TV Series)
Arthur's Crisis (1977)
Conrad Bain: Dr. Arthur Harmon
Quotes
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Dr. Arthur Harmon : Vivian, I'll be with you in just 5 minutes, I have to... Walter, what brings you here?
Walter Findlay : Arthur, stay right there. Don't move, I got a surprise for you! Chip, come on in please! Arthur, this is Chip Morgan from WKS radio, he wants an interview about Chip's operation. Dr. Arthur Harmon, and his wife, Vivian.
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Hello.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Oh, no, Walter, I couldn't.
Walter Findlay : Come on, Arthur, I want the people of Tuckahoe to know that the great Albie Doyle came all the way to you for his hernia operation.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : I don't know what to say; I've never talked on the radio before.
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Oh Arthur, go ahead, it'll be fun.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : [takes off his suegeon's cap] Well, as long as you're here...
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Wait, don't do it with his hair messed up.
Chip Winston : No no, see, this is radio, ma'am.
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Chip Winston : Okay doctor, just speak in your normal tone of voice. Ready?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : [in a deep voice] All set.
Chip Winston : This is Chip Morgan at Tuckahoe General Hospital, and I'm talking to Dr. Arthur Harmon. Doctor, I understand you just performed a hernia operation on your good friend, the great Albie Doyle, two time winner of the Mumford Trophy, and a beloved sports figure to a whole generation of Americans, is that true?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Yes.
Chip Winston : Doctor, as we all know, Albie Doyle now resides in Cleveland, Ohio. Did he come all the way to Tuckahoe because of his close friendship with you?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Yes... Yes, well partly; but I think he really came to me, because he wanted... well, how do you put it modestly? The best; the best. Now I don't mean to take anything away from the medical care that's available in Cleveland, I'm sure they have several adequate doctors there.
Chip Winston : Isn't a hernia considered a fairly routine operation?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Not by me, it isn't! No operation is ever routine.
Nurse : Dr. Harmon...
[Vivian and Walter try to shush the nurse]
Dr. Arthur Harmon : When I take that scalpel in my hand, my only thought is for the sacred trust that patient has put in me.
Nurse : Doctor, I must speak with you.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Now, a doctor should never get careless. I owe my- I owe my success to the careful attention...
[a stretcher with a body is wheeled into the lobby]
Nurse : Doctor, please.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Nurse Davis, what is this? Can't you see that I'm doing an interview about the great Albie Doyle?
Nurse : The late, great, Albie Doyle.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : What?
Nurse : That's him; he's dead.
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Maybe we'd better finish the interview later.
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Dr. Arthur Harmon : [doorbell] Who could that be?
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Uh, well, I invited someone to come over.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : I don't want to see anybody!
Vivian Cavender Harmon : You're really going to want to see this person!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Who is it?
Doc Pritchard : [outside] Anybody home?
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Right down here, doctor!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Doctor? How dare you invite a doctor into my home!
Doc Pritchard : [enters the Harmons' living room] I rang the bell, but nobody answered; of course, maybe it wasn't ringing. My ears aren't what they used to be.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Doc Pritchard! Vivian, it's old Doc Pritchard!
Doc Pritchard : Well, well, well, young man, it's been a long time.
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Doctor, I'm Vivian, his wife; we spoke on the phone.
Doc Pritchard : When your wife called me, I said to myself: "I'm not going to let one of the brightest minds I ever taught quit medicine."
Vivian Cavender Harmon : One of the brightest minds he ever taught? Arthur, I didn't know that.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Neither did I!
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Doc Pritchard : Harmon, if you quit medicine, it means that you think you have the responsibility for life and death. If you give up medicine, you will be playing God!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : I... I never thought of it that way.
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Well Arthur, God made you a doctor. He gave you the gift to heal, to relieve people of their pain and suffering.
Doc Pritchard : If he didn't want you to be a doctor, he would have made you a dentist.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Wow! This makes everything different.
Doc Pritchard : Ohhh! There go those teeth again.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Doc, does that pain go right up into your cheeks there?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : All the way from the eyes down into the jaw!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Look at your eyes, they're all watery.
Doc Pritchard : Of course, from the pain!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Boy, you're a typical doctor, you can diagnose anybody but yourself. There's nothing wrong with your teeth, Doc.
Doc Pritchard : You sound like my dentist!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : He's right. You have a classic case of acute sinusitis, I see it all the time.
Doc Pritchard : Sinusitis? I haven't got any sinus trouble
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Well, there always has to be a first time.
Doc Pritchard : Sinusitits? You know, Harmon, I think you're right!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Of course, I'm right. Here, get that prescription filled, that'll fix you up.
Doc Pritchard : Well, you're the doctor.
Vivian Cavender Harmon : You know, Arthur, it looks as if you really are the doctor again, doesn't it?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : [chuckles] Yeah, I guess I am.
Doc Pritchard : You sure are; I can't read a damn word of this thing.
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Doc Pritchard : Wait a minute... You're not Marvin Harper!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : No Doc, I'm Arthur Harmon.
Doc Pritchard : Well, I came to see Marvin Harper; I don't even know who you are!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Harmon. Arthur Harmon.
Doc Pritchard : Harmon? Harmon...
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Class of '41.
Doc Pritchard : Ohhh yes. Used to run around with your hair in a mess and your shirttail hanging out. Haven't cleaned your act up yet, have you?
Doc Pritchard : [experiences dental pain] Ohhh! There go those teeth of mine again! Damn dentists, God should never trust dentists with anything as important as teeth.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Maybe a drink would help, Doc: scotch, bourbon, gin?
Doc Pritchard : Have you got any coffee?
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Oh yes, we have instant, decaffeinated, and apricot mocha.
Doc Pritchard : Good; I'll take a double bourbon.
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Doc Pritchard : Well, Harmon, you lost a good friend under the knife, did you?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Oh, Vivian told you?
Doc Pritchard : No, she didn't tell me, nobody told me. It's always the loss of a good friend causes a dedicated man to give up medicine.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Well, it's the old God thing, Doc; you're the one that warned me about it.
Doc Pritchard : I did? What did I say?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Well, you know: that doctors have the power of life... and death, like God. Well, I don't want to play God anymore, I'm finished with medicine.
Doc Pritchard : You got that backwards, Harmon!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Backwards?
Doc Pritchard : I had one nice piece of folksy philosophy, and you screwed it up!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : [stammers] I don't understand, what did you say?
Doc Pritchard : I said, doctors do not have the power of life and death, God does. Only God can give a life, only God can take a life.
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Only God can make a tree.
Doc Pritchard : Thank you. You see, she listens. Harmon, if you quit medicine, it means that you think you have the responsibility for life and death. If you give up medicine, you will be playing God.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : I... I never thought of it that way.
Vivian Cavender Harmon : But Arthur, God made you a doctor. He gave you the gift to heal, to relieve people of their pain and suffering.
Doc Pritchard : If he didn't want to make you a doctor, he would have made you a dentist.
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Dr. Arthur Harmon : Listen Doc, I want to thank you for snapping me out of it. You're still the best mind in medicine. Hey, do you remember Albie Doyle?
Doc Pritchard : Albie Doyle? Why, I should think so; I was the team physician. He was a great quarterback, hell of a nice fellow, too. Hmm, Albie's one of the immortals.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Well, not quite.
Doc Pritchard : What do you mean?
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Albie was a patient God took on Arthur's operating table.
Doc Pritchard : Albie Doyle is dead?
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Well, it was his heart.
Doc Pritchard : You killed the great Albie Doyle? Harmon, you're a quack!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : No, Doc! Doc, it wasn't me, no, it was Him!
Vivian Cavender Harmon : Arthur did everything he could, he gave him the best possible care!
Dr. Arthur Harmon : And besides, I wasn't even there when it happened.
Doc Pritchard : I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It was just such a shock; I had no idea it was Albie Doyle.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : But you still think I should practice medicine, don't you, Doc?
Doc Pritchard : Ohh, of course, of course! Only, maybe God would be happier if you became a dermatologist.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : Me, a skin doctor?
Doc Pritchard : Yes! Nobody ever gets well, but nobody ever dies. Think about that.
[leaves]
Dr. Arthur Harmon : You know, Vivian, maybe he's right. Maybe I could become a dermatologist. All I'd need is a bigger waiting room.