Conrad Bain: Dr. Arthur Harmon

Quotes 

• Maude Findlay : [answering Arthur's question about whether she approves of homosexuals]  That's like asking me if I approve of dwarfs.

  Dr. Arthur Harmon : Well, that's different, there's no such thing as gay dwarfs.

  Maude Findlay : Come on, Arthur. You've read Snow White. Seven little men living together like that, wake up and smell the coffee

  Dr. Arthur Harmon : Oh, come on, Maude. That's just a fairy tale

  [looks perplexed as he realizes the double-meaning of 'fairy'] 

  Dr. Arthur Harmon : .

  Maude Findlay : See!

• Dr. Arthur Harmon : You are violating three Tuckahoe ordinances.

  Bartender : I know, that's why we didn't open this bar in Tuckahoe. The Tuckahoe city limits is just across the street. We're just over the line. So you can take your signs and, uh, picket.

• Dr. Arthur Harmon : Do you approve of homosexuals?

  Maude Findlay : Arthur, it doesn't matter whether I approve or disapprove. They are human beings; they exist.

• Dr. Arthur Harmon : [to Maude]  This is nation of laws, something that you fuzzy-headed liberals seem to forget.

• Dr. Arthur Harmon : [presuming what men do in gay bars]  They're in there dancing with each other. Exchanging phone numbers. Looking at pictures of Al Pacino.

• Dr. Arthur Harmon : [scouting the gay bar with Maude]  There are laws that prohibit places like this and this one should be closed down.

  Maude Findlay : Oh, come on, you don't care anything about the law. You just want to persecute people whom you thing are different than you are.

• Maude Findlay : [Scouting the gay bar]  Well, this place is perfectly respectable. We can call off your pickets.

  Dr. Arthur Harmon : Oh no! This does fool me. Its still early yet. I know these types. After a few martinis they'll start acting gay.

  Maude Findlay : After a few martinis Anita Bryant would start acting gay.

• Hubie Binder : Hi, Maude! Sorry to barge in like this, but this is urgent! Arthur, I talked to the city attorney, but he's dragging his feet!

  Dr. Arthur Harmon : I knew it! This is a hot potato! I guess we're gonna have to give up on plan A.

  Maude Findlay : Arthur, what are you talking about?

  Dr. Arthur Harmon : The Fathers Against Gay Society.

  Maude Findlay : Fathers Against Gay Society? You mean... F-A-G-S?

  Dr. Arthur Harmon : [visibly shocked at the realization]  Hubie, that's the last time I'm gonna let you pick a name!