- Grandpa: [cackles] Turn up the rectifier to 9.000 volts!
- Marilyn Munster: Rectifier to 9.000.
- Grandpa: Eh, good. Now, now switch the oscillator from negative to positive!
- Marilyn Munster: Switch the oscillator... Grandpa?
- Grandpa: Yes?
- Marilyn Munster: I don't mean to seem nosey, but what's the purpose of this machine?
- Lily Munster: What's the subject of your school composition, Eddie?
- Eddie Munster: 'My parents, an average American family'.
- Lily Munster: Fine, dear. When your father comes to, I'm sure he'll be able to help you with it.
- Mr. Bradley: [about Eddie's composition] This is written with the reddest red ink I think I have ever seen...
- Eddie Munster: When read my composition to the class, all the kids started laughing and yelling and screaming and stamping their feet. A couple of them even doubled up so bad they had to be carried out of the room.
- Herman Munster: Strange the way jealousy affects some people.
- Eddie Munster: And pop, don't slap the teacher on the back and tell her any of your corny jokes.
- Herman Munster: Is it all right if I tell her the one about and sailor the mermaid?
- Eddie Munster: You tell her that one and I'll run away from home.
- Herman Munster: You just don't want me to sit there and look stupid, do you?
- Eddie Munster: That would be fine, pop.
- Eddie Munster: How do I look?
- Lily Munster: Oh, just fine, Eddie. Did you wash up?
- Eddie Munster: Sure. I brushed my fangs and washed behind my points.
- Lily Munster: I'm going into the kitchen and see to it that the cheese dip doesn't crawl out of the dish.
- Miss Thompson: Mr. Bradley, over there, isn't that an electric chair?
- Mr. Bradley: Well, it could be the way the shadows are falling onto it, Eh... could be some of that pop-art, too. Perhaps they're rather bohemian in their taste...
- Lily Munster: Eddie, ehm, Spot's in the kitchen. Whey don't you take him out in the yard and help him bury someone?