- Lily Munster: Oh Marylin, this is Mr. Moose Mallory and his father.
- Marilyn Munster: How do you do?
- Moose Mallory: I'm mighty glad to meet you, Ma'm. I declare, you're prettier than a bucket full 'o hoglivers.
- Marilyn Munster: [flattered] Oh, thank you very much.
- Coach Roger Denman: Jerry, our scout's report show that this guy's got everything: footwork like a gazelle, hands like a gorilla and he's tall as a giraffe!
- Jerry: Who's sponsoring him, the S.P.C.A.?
- Coach Roger Denman: Now, how tall are you?
- Herman Munster: I'm, eh, seven foot three.
- Jerry: In your stocking feet?
- Herman Munster: No, in my stocking feet I'm seven foot four. I wear very thick socks.
- Pop Mallory: Look, just as soon as you start basketballin' at, for that Westburry College, you ain't gonna have to do no more walking.
- [slaps his thigh]
- Pop Mallory: Have your own Corn-vertible.
- Lily Munster: What line were you standing in when they handed out brains?
- Herman Munster: You forget, dear, I didn't have to stand in any line. Everything was brought to me. I got curb service!
- Moose Mallory: [to Marilyn] You're prettier than a bucket full of hogs' livers.
- Pop Mallory: You might say she *is* the pick of the litter!
- Lily Munster: I was hoping you'd come home. We have a much more serious problem.
- Herman Munster: Really? Did Grandpa blow up the dungeon again?
- Jerry: Coach, how are our you gonna get rid of these Hillbillies, they came here all the way from Kentucky.
- Coach Roger Denman: Easy. I'll just politely and graciously explain the matter to them, in the fine sporting tradition of college athletics. Moose?
- Moose Mallory: Yes sir?
- Coach Roger Denman: The eh, job is filled.
- Moose Mallory: Huh?
- Coach Roger Denman: Get lost, ya bum!
- Pop Mallory: [puts down newspaper] Herman Munster. Moose, that must be the fellow that rinkydinked you out of your basketbal scholarship.
- Pop Mallory: [standing in front of the Munster's house] Now Moose, I ask ya, did you ever see a house like this in all your born days?
- Moose Mallory: I sure didn't, pah. Ain't nobody back home could afford nothing this fancy.
- Moose Mallory: [Moose's feet have caught fire] Hey Pah?
- Pop Mallory: Yes, what is it, Louie?
- Moose Mallory: You're closer to my feet then I am. Would you mind puttin' out the fire?
- Pop Mallory: O.K., son, but don't expect me to do it every time.
- Coach Roger Denman: What do you mean you won't play basketball for this noble institution of learning? Are you out of your skull?
- Herman Munster: Oh, oh, er, no, sir, I, I haven't been out of it for years.
- Moose Mallory: Look at the eggs they have in there.
- [reaches into a cupboard and pulls out a watermelon sized egg]
- Moose Mallory: Big 'uns too.
- Lily Munster: We have vultures in the back.
- Moose Mallory: Well, I'd hate to reach under one of them.
- Herman Munster: What happened?
- Lily Munster: I'm not sure, Marilyn was too upset to explain. She's up in her room crying her eyes out.
- Herman Munster: Oh dear, I did that once a long time ago, and it was very hard to get them back in.