- Grandpa: Honored? Why, it's an insult to the family name to be called 'average' I happen to be a genuine Count, with the blood of Princes and Dukes flowing in my veins!
- Herman Munster: Grandpa, when those reporters show up, I insist you be here.
- Grandpa: I won't, I won't, I won't! If you make me, I'll turn into a bone and burry myself in the backyard!
- Herman Munster: The last time you did that, the neighbor's dog dug you up and we had a hard time getting you back!
- Lily Munster: [Herman is looking for Grandpa] Oh, I can't imagine where he is. He knows the reporters are coming this afternoon.
- Herman Munster: I guess he's gone somewhere, but the question is: when will he come back?
- The Raven: [sqawks] Ne'er more!
- Herman Munster: You stay out of this.
- Lily Munster: Eddie? Are you in bed?
- Eddie Munster: [from inside his room] Yes, but I can't stay awake!
- Lily Munster: You'll be able to, dear, just lie there with your eyes open, dear.
- Lennie Bates: [about the difficulties of taking a picture of the Munsters] Four lenses cracked before I got it. I finally used the strongest one we have. The one for elephant stampedes.