- Herman Munster: I can't impose on Mr. Gateman, he's been so kind to me! He send me that get well card when I was hit by that Diesel locomotive. At Christmas time he send me that big basket of rotten fruit from California. It was so thoughtful of him, I ate it all.
- Grandpa: You're a hard luck guy. If you found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, there'd be a tax collector sitting on the lid.
- Herman Munster: As we say in business: Let's not start scratching 'till we know where the fleas are biting.
- Lily Munster: What I want to know is, what's Herman been doing this past week after he left the house every morning?
- Grandpa: He's been out looking for work. He's had five jobs in five days. You can't ask for a better record than that, he's a perfect failure!
- Mr. Gateman: But he demanded an increase in salary. I'm afraid down here, were not used to raising people.
- Lily Munster: I tell you, Pussycat looks up to you the way Richard Chamberlain looks up to Raymond Massey.
- Mr. Gateman: Mrs. Munster, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
- Herman Munster: [morosely singsong] This is the way we quit our job... quit our job, quit our job. This is the way we quit our job, so early in the morning.
- [puts Boy Wanted sign back in window]